PR 4974 
.1115 G5 

c!py 1 ^RTLEY MANNERS 



THE GIRL 
IN WAITING 




BAKER'S STANDARD PLAYS 



Walter H. Baker Company, Boston 



\ 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 



This play is founded on Mr, Archibald 
Eyre^s novel of the same title :: :t 



The Girl in Waiting 

A Comedy in Four Acts 



By 

J. HARTLEY MANNERS 

Author of *'The House Next Door," "Peg o' My Heart,* 

"Happiness," "A Queen $ Messenger " "The Woman 

Intervenes" "The Wooing of Eve,*' "The Harp 

of Life," "Out There," etc. 



All Rights Reserved. 
Performance forbidden and right of representation reserved. 
Application for the right of performing the above piece must 
be made to the publishers, Walter H. Baker Company, 
Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts, to whom all royal- 
ties should be paid. 




itejfosf^ 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER COMPANY 

1922 



The Girl in Waiting I ?^^ 



CHARACTERS 

Sir Charles Greville. M. P., late home secretary. 

George Hemmings. his nephew, and son to Mrs. Hemmings. 

Montague Witherspoon, son to Mrs. Georgiana Witherspoon, 

Joshua Turner, M. P., Lillian Turner s father, 

Alan Barker, Scotland Yard Detective. 

'• Mr. Bland," a •' crook." 

Two Policemen, assistants to Barker. 

Footman, servant to the Turners. 

Parks, servant at Sir Charles Greville* s. 

Page Boy, at Mrs. Witherspoon s house. 

Newsboy, at Woollacom.be. 

Butler, servant to Mrs. Witherspoon. 

Two Young Men, casual admirers of Lillian. 

A Half-Dozen Night Stragglers, momentary passers, 

Mrs. Georgiana Witherspoon, Montague's mother* 

Mrs. Hemmings, George's mother. 

Martha Watts, Lillian s aunt, 

MissJaneway, a maiden lady. 

Amy, the cashier in Mrs. Watts' shop. 

Waitress, in Mrs. Watts shop. 

Maid, in Mrs. Hemming s service. 

Lillian Turner, Joshua Turner's daughter. 




Copyright, 1922, by J. Hartley Manners 
As author and proprietor 
-^ All rights reserved 

©CI.D 61868 



SEP 



-8 ^322 



Act I. — Scene t Seamore Place, Belgravia, London. Night. 

Scene 2. — Library in Sir Charles Greville's town house. 
Next morning. 
Act II. — The tea-shop, Woollacombe. A week later. 
Act III. — Drawing-room in Mrs. Hemming's country house. 

The same day. 
Act IV. — Same as Act I. The following morning. 

NOTE : — Scene i can be painted in profile ; the steps alone of 
the two houses being solid. If there is difficulty in getting 
rain effect, it can be suggested by wet stage cloth, wet um- 
brellas and moisture on the Policeman's rain coat. 

Mr. Bland of Act II may double with the Butler of Act I. 
The Two Policemen of Act III may double with the Night 
Stragglers of Act I. Mrs. Witherspoon may double with the 
Maid in Act III. The Two Young Men of Act II may double 
with the Stragglers of Act I. 



**The Girl in Waiting'' was produced on September 

4th^ igiOy at the Olympic Theatre^ Chicago^ 

with the following cast : 

Lillian Turner Laurette Taylor 

Joshua Turner, M. P Wallace Erskine 

Sir Charles Greville, M. P. . . . Wilfred Draycott 

Mrs. Hemmings Alice Gale 

George Hemmings A. H. van Buren 

Mrs. Witherspoon Julia Ralph 

Montague Witherspoon Percy Ames 

Alan Barker E. H. Kelly 

Martha Watts Eliza Mason 

Mr. Bland . Herbert Budd 

Parks ......... Charles Laite 

Miss Janeway Ada Oilman 

Amy Mary Keogh 

Rose Geraldine Peck 

A Policeman Henry Hallam 

A Passer-By Arthur Glenmore 

A Footman Joseph Rudd 

A Page Boy £* Warner 

A Butler Roy Everett 

A Newsboy Jess Keppler 

A Groom Ernest Band 

A Maid Marie Caldwell 




PLEASE NOTICE 

The professional stage-rights in this play are strictly re- 
served by the author, to whom applications for its use 

should be addressed. Amateurs may obtain permission to y 

produce it privately on payment to the publishers of a fee f 

of twenty-five dollars (;?25 .00) for each performance. Cor- k 

respondence on this subject should be addressed and all T 

such payments made to Walter H. Baker Co., Hamilton r 

Place, Boston, Massachusetts k 

Attention is called to the penalties provided by law for r 

any infringements of the author's rights, as follows : k 

**Sec. 4gbb : — Any person publicly performing or repre- r 

senting any dramatic or musical composition for which k 

copyright has deen obtained, without the consent of the pro- < 

prietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his heirs f 

A and assigns, shall be liable for damages therefor, ^uch dam- \ 

\ ages in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less than i 

T one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for every r 

^ subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear to be k 

I just. If the unlaivful performance and representation be i 

S wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be guilty r 

^ of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction be imprisoned for a k 

1 period not exceeding one year."—\J. S. Revised Statutes, * 

1 Title 60, Chap. 3. W 



The Girl in Waiting 



ACT I 

SCENE I. — Seamore Place, Belgravia, London. Night. 
The scene represents a portion of a street in the West 
End of London. The roadway is closed. Beams on 
trestles and two red lights effectually block vehicular 
traffic. There are two houses built from the c. of the 
stage to the l. One is Mrs. Witherspoon's c. with a 
heavy portico, railing and an area. The other is 
Joshua Turner's. It is a smaller house and has^ no 
portico. A heavy rain is falling. Everything in sight 
is dripping with water: The street-lamp, steps, etc. 

(As the curtain rises a Policeman enters from back, 
enveloped in oilskin cape, walks down r. and turns 
his bull's-eye lantern on the railings, then crosses over 
to Mrs. Witherspoon's house and examines it: then 
does the same with Joshua Turner's. The " chug- 
chug " of an automobile comes out of the distance r. 
and makes for Seamore Place. The Policeman 
crosses over r., watches the automobile until it is 
quite near then calls out.) 

Policeman. You can't go through there. Road's up. 
Talce second on the left. 

Voice (offR.), This wretched neighborhood's always 
up. 

(Auto effect. The machine starts again.) 

Policeman. Don't turn here. Back it to the corner. 

9 



10 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

{The machine can he heard responding to the manipula- 
tions of the chauffeur — then it chug-chugs and hoots its 
way into the silence. Stop auto effect.) That's all right. 

{Looks all around and then goes slowly off and down 
R. A clock chimes three. Then another clock in 
the far distance begins to chime.) 

{Enter Joshua Turner, R.,a small, refined looking man in 
evening dress, supported on one side by a Footman 
in livery, and on the other by his daughter Lillian, 
an attractive, high-spirited, mischief-loving young 
lady. She is also in evening dress and is holding an 
umbrella over her father. The Footman is carrying 
a rug.) 

Footman. The road's been up since morning. 

Lillian. Its chronic condition. {Pausing before 
their home.) Have you no key, father? {Shivers.) 
What a wretched night. (Turner searches in all his 
pockets.) Quickly, father, or we'll all be drenched. 

Turner {laughing feebly and speaking a little thickly). 
Dined at the club, my dear. It's in my other clothes. 

Lillian. Tchah! How perfectly maddening. {To 
Footman.) Ring, please. 

Footman {tries bell twice). The bell is broken. Miss, 
it won't ring. {Comes dozvn steps.) 

Lillian. Bell broken, it won't ring. Isn't it funny? 
Then we must take a cab to Claridge's. 

Footman. The club's only just round the corner, 
Miss. I could get the key and be back in a few minutes. 

Lillian. Meanwhile what are we to do? The car- 
riage has gone. 

Footman. Mrs. Witherspoon's house has a portico. 
You'd be quite protected there. I'd only be a few mo- 
ments. 

Lillian. Will they give you the key at the club? 

Footman. If I present Mr. Turner's card. 

(Turner takes out case and fumbles with it unsteadily.) 
Lillian. Give him a card, father. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING II 

Turner (getting card out of case). But be very care- 
ful. There are half a dozen Turners in the club. Be 
sure and ask for Mr. Joshua Turner's key-chain. ( Hands 
Footman card.) There you are. 

Lillian. Put the rug down there and please run all 
the way. 

Footman (puts rug on Mrs. Witherspoon's steps and 
runs off). Yes, Miss. 

(The old gentleman laughs feebly, chuckles to himself 
and emits a few bars of a popular music-hall song, 
as he crosses over and sits on the r. of Mrs. ^VITHER- 
spoon's steps. Lillian sits beside him on his l.) 

Lillian (pause — Turi^er latighs stupidly). For good- 
ness' sake, father, don't laugh. I can't bear it just now. 

Turner (chuckling). But isn't it— isn't it— funny? 
You and I on a door-step ; evening dress ; three o'clock 
on the morning, eh ? Oh, dear, oh, dear ! 

(Shakes all over with convulsive laughter.) 

Lillian. To-morrow it may be amusing. Just now it 
seems to me to be particularly unpleasant. Oh, why do 
you, father ! Why do you ? 

Turner. Can't help it, my dear. Can't help it. Why 
don't you stop me ? 

Lillian. I wish I could. 

Turner. That's the trouble. I love you— but I'm 

not afraid of you. Not afraid, my dear (Glances 

up; shivers all over; in a hoarse whisper.) Do you know 
on whose steps we are sitting? 

Lillian. Yes, on Mrs. Witherspoon's. 

TvR^ER (shivers again) . Oh, dear! Georgiana With- 
erspoon. That's the type of woman. Hard as nails. 
Makes me shiver to think of her. If only she'd take me 
in hand. I'd be afraid of her. Only— only— she doesn't 
approve of you. Says you're not good form. 

Lillian. Oh, does she? 

Turner (zvith drunken determination). To-morrow 
I'll ask Georgiana to marry me— and then I'll be sober for 
the rest of my life. 



12 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian. And wretched — eh ? 

Turner. Can't be more wretched than I feel now. 
(Sings softly.) " Oh marriage is a very funny game." 

Lillian. Sssh ! 

Turner (yawns). I'm so sleepy. (As he settles back 
against the railing r. of steps.) Too gentle with me, my 
dear; too gentle. No chance — of — keeping sober — with 
you. (Closes his eyes.) Must marry Georgiana and 
never touch a drop again ! (Sings softly.) 

" Oh marriage is a very funny game 
Gets queerer — every — day " 

(Falls asleep.) 

Lillian (looks dozvn proiectingly at him). Poor little 
father. (Looks up at house.) Georgiana Witherspoon ! 
(Shudders.) Not good form! (Laughs grimly.) We'll 
see. (Fans herself, looks at her father.) ' 

(A young man enters, sheltered by an umbrella and 
walks rapidly across deep in thought. He is George 
Hemmings. He is in evening dress, with a thin 
black, silk-faced overcoat and silk hat. As he passes 
Turner groans. He stops, looks intently at Lillian, 
then sees the huddled figure of the old gentleman.) 

Hemmings (raising his hat). I beg your pardon, is 
there anything wrong? 

Lillian (looks up, coldly). Nothing, thank you. 

Hemmings. Are you sure? 

Lillian. Quite. 

Hemmings. And yet — are you sure I can't do any- 
thing? 

Lillian. You can go home. You are out very late. 

Hemmings (sternly). I might say the same of you. 

Lillian. It would be very impertinent if you did. 

Hemmings. I beg your pardon. It was not unnatural 
to think you might require assistance. 

Lillian. Well, I do not: nor am I in any mood for 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 



«3 



conversation with a total stranger at a time when all 
respectable young men are at home. 

Hem MINGS. I am sorry to have intruded. Good 
night. (Raises his hat, turns away — Turner in his sleep, 
suddenly moans sharply. Hemming.? stops — turning 
back. ) The old gentleman is ill. 

Lillian. He is nothing of the kind. 

Hem MINGS. Then why does he ? 

Lillian. Really, you annoy me. 

Hemmings. But I can't understand it — a lady and a 
gentleman asleep on a door-step. 

Lillian. I'm not asleep. 

Hemmings. Will you at least allow me to call a cab? 

Lillian. What for? 

Hemmings. To take you home. 

Lillian. Thank you. I am already home. 

Hemmings (with a new light of intelligence). Ah! 
And you can't get in ? (Looking at Mrs. Witherspoon's 
house.) You — can't wake the servants? 

Lillian. Exactly. And if you wish for further de- 
tails we have mislaid the key, the electric bell is broken, 
and there is no knocker. And now having made your- 
self fully master of the situation — good night. 

(Turner groans again.) 

Hemmings. He must be ill. 

Lillian. He has fallen asleep and your presence here 
is disturbing him. I am only waiting for you to go to 
follow his example. 

Hemmings. But you can't spend the night on your 
door-step. 

Lillian. If we can't get into our house we must re- 
main outside. Can't you appreciate thatf 

Hemmings (earnestly) . Please let me help you. 

Lillian. Thank you, I don't need it. I've already 
taken all necessary steps. 

Hemmings (looking down into Mrs. Witherspoon's 
area). It wouldn't be a difficult matter to get into the 
house. If you climbed those railings you could easily 
drop into the basement. By breaking one pane of the 
kitchen window, you could unfasten the catch. Then 



14 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

you might step into the kitchen through the window and 
up-stairs to the front door. 

Lillian (scornfully). Thank you! I am not a gym- 
nast. 

Hem MINGS (confusedly). Oh, not you. But may / 
not do it for you ? 

Lillian (smiling mischievously and peering between 
the railings) . In there? 

Hemmings. Yes. May I? (Ialliai^ laughs uncon- 
trollably.) I'll do it wilUngly — if you wish it. 

Lillian. You will — really? 

Hemmings. I will. 

Lillian. In there? 

Hemmings. Yes. 

Lillian. Break that window? 

Hemmings. Yes. 

Lillian. And open that door? 

Hemmings. Yes. (Lillian goes off into paroxysms 
of laughter.) You think I couldn't? — You'll see. I'll 
show you. (Climbs over the railings, lowers himself into 
the area.) It's the simplest thing in the world. (Crash 
of glass.) There we are. 

(Warn Curtain — Music hurry up until Curtain.) 

Lillian (with a note of alarm, the laughter dying 
away). Come back! Don't be so foohsh! 

Hemmings (from inside the kitchen). I'm all right. 
I'll let you in in a moment. (Silence.) 

Lillian. Come back! Oh, do come back! (The 
alarm dies away. She laughs.) Well, serve Mrs. With- 
erspoon right ! If she's going to frighten my poor little 
father, let her be frightened herself. (Begins to laugh 
again.) Bad form, am I? Well, perhaps I am, (Crock- 
ery crashes, suddenly sounds of conflict come from the 
house — anxiously.) Father! Wake up! Wake up ! 

Turner (drowsily). Never again, my dear! Never 
again ! 

Lillian. Wake up, please. We're going to have an 
awful scene here in a minute. (She helps him up and 
takes him outside the house and up the steps of their own 
house. Lights begin to appear in the windows. A 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 1 5 

scrimmage is evidently in progress. The Footman runs 
on panting quickly. ) Give me the key. Get the rug. 

(Ready lights in house.) 

(Lillian takes the key from the Footman, unlocks 
the door and goes in followed by her father. The 
Footman picks up the rug from Mrs. Wither- 
spoon's steps and hurries in after them. Suddenly 

' the door of Mrs. Witherspoon's house opens and a 
Page Boy, scantily clad, hair standing on end, ap- 
pears and blozvs a whistle frantically. The Police- 
man reappears from R., another policeman from l.) 

Boy. Help! Murder! Burglars! 

{The Policemen hurry to the house, unloosening their 
truncheons. At the same moment Hemmings ap- 
pears, struggling with a Butler, his collar torn off — 
hatless and altogether very much damaged. As he 
rushes out breaking away from the Butler, the 
Policemen collar him.) 

Policeman. Easy does it, my man — easy — or I'll have 
to use violence. 

{A light appears at the windows at Turner's house, a 
curtain is drawn back and Lillian is seen looking 
anxiously into the night. At the same time the blinds 
are drawn back in Mrs. Witherspoon's house. 
Mrs. Witherspoon appears at the window.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. What's the matter? 

{Half a dozen strangers, viz., Cabmen, a Chauffeur, 
some Stablemen, afid one or two men arm in arm, 
half intoxicated gather around. One of the strag- 
glers, a knife-faced, shabby man, quietly steals 
Hemmings' umbrella and runs off with it. As the 
Policeman takes Hemmings off r. trying to ex- 
plain — all the lookers-on talk and laugh loudly.) 

CURTAIN 



l6 THE GIRL IN WAITING 



SCENE 2. — Morning room in Sir Charles Greville's 
town house. Next morning. 

{At rise of curtain, Parks is discovered arranging 
papers, etc. Enter Sir Charles Greville, c. He 
is a distinguished looking, authoritative, breezy, 
kindly man of the world. He is dressed for walk- 
ing. Frock coat, silk hat, cane, gloves, etc.) 

Sir Charles. Come in. {Enter Hemmings, still in 
evening dress, with the collar of his overcoat turned up, 
carrying a very damaged silk hat. His hair is ruffled, his 
heard slightly showing, and his whole appearance some- 
what dilapidated. He comes shamefacedly into the 
room.) Take your coat off. 

Hemmings. I'd rather keep it on. 

Sir Charles. Take it off. {Hands hat and gloves 
and cane to Parks. Takes out handkerchief, mops his 
forehead and wipes his hands; turns to Parks.) Any 
callers ? 

Parks. No, Sir Charles. But there are some mes- 
sages and Mrs. Witherspoon telephoned a few minutes 
ago. She wants to see you urgently. 

Sir Charles. Telephone her to come over in ten min- 
utes, if convenient. {Takes up messages and reads them.) 

Parks. Yes, Sir Charles. [Exits. 

(Hemmings meanwhile has removed his coat and re- 
luctantly discloses a crumpled shirt, soiled and limp 
collar and tie, the latter having worked around to the 
side of his neck. ) 

Sir Charles {drawing a chair up, brusquely) . Now 
then — Mr. George Hemmings — what were you doing in 
Seamore Place at three o'clock this morning? 

Hemmings. I was walking home and while I was 
passing through Seamore Place I heard a groan. I 
stopped amazed ! There lying on a door-step was a man 
in evening dress, evidently very ill. 

Sir Charles. Go on. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 1 7 

HEiMMiNGS. Sitting watching him was — oh! — one of 

the most beautiful — I may say the most beautiful 

Sir Charles (impatiently). Yes — yes! 
Hemmings. Beauty is too poor a word to describe her. 
She was a Goddess ! 

Sir Charles (impatiently) . Well— well! 
Hemmings. I saw in a moment that she was in 
trouble. So I offered assistance. She refused. She 
looked— oh !— so lonely. I can't tell you how lonely she 
looked. 

Sir Charles. Don't try. 

Hemmings. There was beauty helpless! Loveliness 
reclining on a wet door-step. 

Sir Charles (still more impatiently). Come ! Come ! 
Hemmings. Sne mentioned something of a missing 
latch-key, and of an absent knocker and a door-bell that 
wouldn't ring. I suggested that at the cost of a little 
agility and a broken pane of glass in the kitchen window 
I could let her in. She tried to prevent me. I insisted. 
And I did it. 

Sir Charles. And I've had to go round and take you 
out of a police station, after spending the night in a cell ! 
Hemmings. Yes, uncle. When I came out she'd 
gone. 

Sir Charles. It was Mrs. Witherspoon's house. 
Hemmings. I didn't know that until afterwards. 
Sir Charles. You were caught in a pantry .^ 
Hemmings. I was in the dark. I mistook if for the 
outer door and smashed a quantity of crockery. That 
roused the butler. He attacked me, would not listen to 
me. I'd have got away from him but for a fool of a 
page boy, who called for the police. 

Sir Charles. What was your impression of the peo- 
ple on the door-step? 

Hemmings. The man I couldn't see distinctly; but 
from his heavy breathing, and occasional moans, he must 
have been very ill. And the woman ! Oh ! the woman ! 
A Titian might have painted her as she sat there in the 
lamplight ! 

Sir Charles. But why in the world did she allow you 
to do such a foolish thing? 



l8 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Hem MINGS. Uncle, I've asked myself that question 
all night long in that poHce-cell. Why did she? I ask 
yoii, zuhyf What was she doing on that door-step? I 
ask you whatf Sitting there in the damp at three o'clock 
in the morning! There's some terrible mystery here, 
uncle ! I feel it ! I know it ! {Intensely and mysteri- 
ously. ) And I am going to fathom it ! 

Parks {enters c). A detective from Scotland Yard 
has called respecting the arrest of Mr. George Hemmings. 

Sir Charles. Show him in. {Exit Parks c.) A 
detective ! We haven't heard the last of this. In future 
take a cab — don't walk, when you stay out until three 
o'clock in the morning. 

(Hemmings crosses to r., looks out of window, comes 
hack to front of table. Parks shows in Alan 
Barker, c., and exits. Barker puts his hat on chair, 
conies down to Sir Charles.) 

Barker {coming in mysteriously). Excuse me for 
troubling you, sir. {As if mentioning a name of over- 
whelming significance.) My name's Barker — Alan 
Barker — of Scotland Yard. My card. {Holds it out.) 
You can keep that. Take it. {Forces it on Sir Charles.) 
You've got a Mr. George Hemmings here. I saw you 
both go in. 

Sir Charles. There he is, Mr. Barker. 

{Indicating Hemmings. Barker looks at him omi- 
nously and mysteriously.) 

Barker. To be sure. I saw you In the cell last night. 

Hemmings. What do you want? 

Barker. I'm working on this case for " The Society 
for the Protection of Householders." I'm Alan Barker. 
My card ! You can keep that. Take it. 

{Forces card on Hemmings.) 

Hemmings (looks at it in amazement) . Well? 

Barker {opens note-hook mysteriously and reads). I 
gather from information received that you broke into No. 
13 Seamore Place at three o'clock this morning, at the in- 



THE GIRL IN WAITING I9 

sligation of a female who was sitting on the steps of 
Mrs. Witherspoon's house, with an elderly gent supposed 
to be asleep. Am I right ? 

Hemmings. You are. 

Barker (triumphantly). I thought so. Now then, 
we get to it. What's her age and color ? 

Hemmings. What did you say? 

Barker. How old should you say the female was ? 

Hemmings. She was in the first flush of womanhood. 

Barker. Ah — (Making note.) Going on thirty-five. 

Hemmings. Certainly not. Twenty-one at the most. 

Barker. Oh no ! Oh, dear no ! The one I'm after 
is thirty at the inside. 

Hemmings. You're after f — after? 

Barker. Yes. I've got her down here to a T. P'raps 
the light was agin you seein'. Was she ginger? 

Hemmings. Ginger? 

Barker. Reddish — like — with a squint in one eye ? 

Hemmings. She was nothing of the kind. So far as 
I could judge, she was fair. 

Barker. Near enough. Red in dayHght. (Making 
notes.) " Fair ! Not sure of age ! " The gent that was 
with her — small? 

Hemmings. He seemed to be. 

Barker. Quiet-looking? 

Hemmings. Very. He was fast asleep! 

Barker (brightens up. Quite enthusiastically as if 
he'd hit a real clue). Fast asleep? Was he? I've as 
good as got 'em ! I knew I was right. ( To Sir 
Charles.) That's the latest dodge. I know *em both 
well. They're members of what is known as " The 
Evening-Dress Gang ! " 

Sir Charles. Indeed? 

Barker. I've been watching them for over a month. 
The same lot broke into Maida Vale six weeks ago and in 
just the same way. This is how they work! (Tapping 
the hook.) They got this young man to open up the 
house. See ? 

Sir Charles. Yes. 

Barker. He took the chance of getting caught. And 
he got caught all right. 



20 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Sir Charles. He did. 

Barker {to Hemmings, mysteriously). Were they 
there when you came out? 

Hemmings. No. 

Barker {to Sir Charles). See? If he*d got through 
all right, they'd have said : " Much obliged. Good 
night ! " — gone in, stolen everything they could lay their 
hands on and we'd have had another daring burglary in 
the West End. 

Hemmings. Rot! 

Barker. No, it ain't rot. I know. IVe been work- 
ing on 'em for pretty near six weeks. {To Sir Charles.) 
They're very hot stuff, sir, believe me; very hot indeed. 
{To Hemmings.) We'll want you to step around to the 
poHce station and identify them. 

Hemmings. What? Do you expect to catch her — I 
mean them — them? 

Barker. Of course I do. Anyway we'll arrest a 
whole lot on suspicion. 

Hemmings. I couldn't swear positively 

Barker. That'll be all right — so long as they look like 
'em. Leave the rest to me. (To Sir Charles.) Much 
obliged. 

Sir Charles. Not at all. Good morning. 

Barker. Good morning, sir. (To Hemmings.) Let 
me know if you change your address. Don't forget. 
Alan Barker — Scotland Yard. Did I give you a card ? 

Hemmings. Yes. {Holds it up.) 

Barker. That's all right, you can keep that. {Goes 
to door c.) Oh! If either of you gentlemen should 
ever have any little private work you won't forget Alan 
Barker, will you ? " Sure — quiet and cheap ! " That's 
me ! Good morning. 

Sir Charles {looks at Hemmings). Well! 

Hemmings {eagerly — enthusiastically). Oh! Uncle! 
If it were true ! If she were a thief ! 

Sir Charles. It would certainly seem that she is. 

Hemmings. The one thing I've dreamed of ! 

Sir Charles. What is? 

Hemmings. Meeting one ! Loving one ! Marrying 
one — and reforming her. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING II 

Sir Charles. What ? 

Hem MINGS. Criminals are food and drink to me. 
They're my Hfe. Oh! If I ever saw her handcuffed, 
standing in a dock, nothing in the world could separate 
us. That is just the type of woman to give one's name 
to, to devote one's whole life to. 

Sir Charles. Don't be ridiculous. 

Hem MINGS. Oh! I hope they catch her. 

Sir Charles. So do I. (Turns.) 

Hemmings. You'd help me to get her free, wouldn't 
you? 

Sir Charles. I'd do nothing of the kind. 

Hemmings. Then I'd do it alone. A criminal and 
beautiful! I'd wait until she'd served her sentence and 
then I'd throw myself at her feet. 

Sir Charles. You'd do nothing of the kind. We 
don't want a burglar in the family. 

Hemmings (ecstatically; his hands clasped). A bur- 
glar! Oh, that would be too wonderful! To take her 
by the hand and say 

Sir Charles. Rubbish ! I've no more time for you. 
Go out of town until this affair blows over and leave no 
address. 

Hemmings (holding up card). But Mr. Alan 
Barker ? 

Sir Charles. Never mind Mr. Barker. Oh, by the 
way, where is your mother? 

Hemmings. In Woollacombe for the summer. 

Sir Charles. Woollacombe ! The very place ! GrO 
down and join her. Sea air, early mornings — to rise in, 
not to go home in — and put this criminal nonsense en- 
tirely out of your mind. 

Hemmings. I can't. It's my life's work to reclaim 
them! to protect them from the foul punishment of the 
law. If I could only begin with her ! Oh I 

{Crosses front of armchair at l. of table R. Enter 
Parks, c.) 

Parks. Mrs. Witherspoon. 

(Hemmings jumps for his overcoat. On l. of arm- 



22 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

chair r. Puts it on mid turns up the collar. Enter 
Georgiana Witherspoon, c, a large, dominant, 
masterful type of woman. Exit Parks c. Hem- 
MiNGS looks at her and crosses to Sir Charles.) 

Sir Charles (c, greeting her). My dear Mrs. 
Witherspoon, how are you? 

(Shakes hands with Mrs. Witherspoon. Hemmings 
goes up, comes around to hack of chair l.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. I'm a nervous wreck. I've been 
in hysterics the whole morning. {Coming down, seeing 
Hemmings.) Thanks to you! 

Hemmings. I'm sorry, Mrs. Witherspoon. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. So you ought to be. What do 
you mean by breaking my windows and getting into my 
kitchen ? 

Hemmings. If by doing so, even though I alarmed 
and distressed you, I reached the goal I've been aiming at 
for years, wouldn't you feel it had not been in vain ? 

(Crosses to door c.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon (looks at him in amazement; turns 
to Sir Charles). What's he talking about? 

Sir Charles. Don't take any notice of him. (Crosses 
to L., sits L. of table l., places chair for Mrs. Wither- 
spoon. Takes Hemmings by the arm and leading him up 
c, crosses up to l. of door.) Come on! You go off to 
Woollacombe ! Remember me to your mother, and look 
me up when you get back. 

Hemmings (at door c). Yes, uncle. 

Sir Charles. And no more housebreaking. 

Hemmings (opens door c). No, uncle. (Turns.) 
Oh, but uncle! If it were true! If I could only meet 

her again chained and handcuffed. Oh, Sir Charles 

[Goes out c. 

(Sir Charles sits on arm of chair l. of table R.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. What was it? Drink? 

Sir Charles. No. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Crazy? 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 



^3 



Sir Charles. On one subject. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. He looks it. Locked up all 
night, eh? (Sir Charles wo J^.) You got him out. 

Sir Charles. After a great deal of trouble. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. If he goes about breaking into 
houses, I'd let him stay there. 

Sir Charles. He won't do it again in a hurry. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Nice thing he's done for me. 

Sir Charles. What's that? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. I'm going to marry again. 

Sir Charles. Really? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Yes. Made up my mind this 
morning. I simply must have a man in the house. 

Sir Charles. Who is the fortunate man ? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. My next door neighbor, Joshua 
Turner. 

Sir Charles. Indeed? (Rises and crosses to Mrs. 
Witherspoon.) How interesting. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. He's a poor Httle creature. But 
anything's better than being alone. And I may make a 
man of him. I haven't much hope of it, but I may. 

Sir Charles. When did you become engaged? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. I'm not engaged yet. 

Sir Charles. Oh ! 

Mrs. Witherspoon. No. Fm calling on him, when I 
leave here, to tell him. 

Sir Charles. Tell him? (Starts, steps back.) Are 
you going to propose to him? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Certainly. He'd never have the 
pluck to ask me. 

Sir Charles (crosses to Mrs. Witherspoon, laughing 
heartily). Well, I hope you make him very happy. 
Joshua and I are old friends. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Does he wear well ? 

Sir Charles. A very upright, honorable man — 
and 

Mrs. Witherspoon. — as weak as water, an awful 
little drunkard, and has a daughter that I hate the sight of. 
Funny marrying a man with all those drawbacks, isn't it? 

Sir Charles. The greater the drawbacks the more 
the incentive. You are born missionaries. 



24 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Are we? I'm not! But Til tell 
you this — he'll never touch a drop of strong drink from 
the moment he leaves the altar, and I'll bring up that 
hoyden girl of his absolutely under my thumb. 

Sir Charles. Lillian Turner is one of my particular 
pets, Mrs. Witherspoon. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Well, she's one of my particular 
objections. It's bad enough to have a son like Monte 
without having a stepdaughter like her. 

Sir Charles. I like Monte too. 

{Crosses to l. Back of table, leans on table — above 
table L. to L. side of table, kneels on chair.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Do you? 

Sir Charles. A very bright boy. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Is he? You're not his mother. 
He's a continual source of worry to me. 

Sir Charles. How ? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Always annoying me for money. 
He has no income of his own until he's twenty-eight. His 
father said he was always a backward child and he didn't 
think he'd grow up when most young men did. So, 
instead of leaving him his money when he'd be twenty- 
one he made it twenty-eight in his will. 

Sir Charles. What an extraordinary thing to do. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. He was right. He's twenty- 
seven now and is not nearly grown up yet. I don't think 
he ever will grow up. He won't work. Not a stroke. 
Just gambles and plays the fool all around. I've come 
here to warn you about him. (Rises. Sir Charles 
comes around to front of table.) I never give him a 
penny outside of his monthly allowance, so when he gets 
in a corner he goes around to all his relatives and friends 
and borrows. If he comes to you, snub him. 

(Sir Charles in front of table r.) 

Sir Charles (laughing). Poor Monte! 
Mrs. Witherspoon. Poor Monte! What do you 
think he does when he's hard pressed? 
Sir Charles. I haven't any idea. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 25 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Borrows my jewelry, pawns 
them, pays his debts with them, then gambles again and 
when he wins, gets my jewelry out of pawn and puts 'em 
back. (Sir Charles roars with laughter.) I don't 
think it's funny. It's most irritating. For instance — I 
want a necklace. Can't find it anywhere! Gone for 
days. Then when I least expect it — there it is on my 
dressing table. Same with my rings, chains, etc., always 
disappearing and turning up again. It's disgusting. 

{Crosses to c. Sir Charles follows her over to c.) 

Parks {enters c). Mr. Montague Witherspoon. 
Sir Charles. Shall I see him ? 

{Crosses up to l. of door.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Yes. {Crossing up to him.) 
Sir Charles {to Parks). In here, please. 

{Crosses to door l. Exit Parks c.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon {crossing up). Find out what he 
wants. If it's money, just give him some straight- from- 
the-shoulder advice. I'll wait somewhere. 

Sir Charles {opening door l.). In here. 

Mrs. Witherspoon {at door l.). Mind, don't let him 
have a penny ! [Exits. 

Sir Charles. I won't. 

{Comes down c. Parks shows in Montague With- 
erspoon, c, and exits. Monte is an alert, active 
very young man of twenty-seven; very up-to-date in 
attire and speech.) 

Monte. Hello, Sir Charles. {Down to c. to Sir 
Charles.) Oh, I say, what a perfectly corking pin. 
{Touching pin in Sir Charles' tie.) Couldn't spare it 
for a couple of days ? Of course not. {Backs away.) 

Sir Charles {shaking hands). Well, Monte. . 

Monte. Disturbin' you? 

{Crosses to sofa, sits, puts hat on table r.) 



26 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Sir Charles. I can give you two minutes. 
(Sits in armchair r.) 

Monte. Too much. I can get through what I want 
ill two seconds. 

Sir Charles. Good. Out with it. 

Monte. I've struck a snag. 

Sir Charles. A snag? 

Monte. A beastly, prickly snag. Tell you how it was. 
A few of us last night — Birchmore and that lot — up in 
his rooms — full of a new game. Corking game ! 
** Shove," it's called. Corking! I must show it to you 
one of these days. Australian game. Well, my luck was 
dead out. Never saw anything like it. They picked me 
clean as a bone. Stripped me of three hundred good, 
honest, bright "John o' Goblins." D'ye take me? 

Sir Charles. I take it you lost three hundred pounds f 

Monte. Right you are. Got it first time. Now I 
haven't got a penny to my name. Not a solitary, lonely 
little cent. Mother keeps me shockingly tight. Can't 
touch a silver sixpence till I'm twenty-eight. Poor old 
dad made an awful mess of his will. Shocking! Put 
an " eight " instead of a " one " after the " twenty." 
Poor old dear! However, no good worrying about it. 
But the one everlasting fact is — I've got to have some 
money now. This minute. See where I'm coming? 

Sir Charles. No. 

Monte. No? Well, I must tell you. I must go on, 
you know. There — are — very — few — people I'd allow 
to lend me anything. Very — few — indeed ! You're one 
of 'em. I like you. {Emphasises each word.) 

Sir Charles. That's charming of you. 

Monte. Not a bit. Now you mustn't mind my put- 
ting it Hke this. I'm always flat-footed. See, this is 
how it is. I've got the hang of the game now — got it to 
the top hole and the next time I get the boys together, 
I'll just strip it off 'em like the skin off a banana. And 
you'll stand in! 

Sir Charles. What? (Rises, back to c.) 

Monte (rises). Oh, yes you will. I couldn't hear of 
it any other way. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING »7 

Sir Charles. Couldn't hear of what? 

Monte I couldn't let you do it any other way. 

Sir Charles. Wouldn't let me do w/ia^? 

Monte Give me five hundred pounds. {Crosses to 
Sir Charles.) I wouldn't hear of it. This is the way 
we'll do it With the five hundred you'll give me, I'll pay 
'em the three hundred I owe and have the other two 
hundred to start again with nice and fresh. See? 

Sir Charles. Well, I 1 

(Astounded at his cool impudence.) 

Monte. Half a minute. Then out of my first win- 
nings back goes the five hundred to you and after that a 
nice snug Httle dividend. I brought a blank check with 
me— all made out. {Takes it out of note-book.) All 
you've got to do is to just autograph it. There we are, 
nice and cozy. {Holding it out.) • u. - 

Sir Charles. Well, for cool, downright im- 

^Vonte Fudge! Impudence? Among pals? You 
don't seem to grasp it. I'm obliging you by letting you in 
on it. I'm doing you a favor. You'll have twenty-five 
per cent of all my winnings and your five hundred back. 
What's the matter with that, eh? 

{Starts to take Sir Charles' pin.) 

Sir Charles {checking him). Don't you think it's 
time you stopped this sort of thing? ^, . . ,. .• 

Monte. Stopped it? No-I don't. This is the time 
to qo on. Stop when you're winning— never take a loss, 
'Course you wouldn't understand. {Explaining unth taps 
on Sir Charles' sleeve.) See-pocket the coin when 
you've got it, but play your bad luck out. That s my 
system. Now I've played mine out. I m on velvet. 
See> Of course you do. Very well— if you 11 just —— 
(Takes out a stylographic pen and jerks it downward so 
that the ink will run. ) There we are. {Holds out check 
and pen. ) That'll mark all right. 

Sir Charles. No. 

Monte. No? 



28 the girl in waiting 

Sir Charles. No. 

Monte. You don't mean that ? 

Sir Charles. I do. 

Monte. What, the first time I've asked you ? 

Sir Charles. It will be the last. 

Monte. I don't think you quite take me. You see 

rii — 

Sir Charles. You'd borrow from me to pay your 
card debts, and from some one else to pay me, and then 
you'd end by stealing to pay the last. That's how 
criminals are made, my boy. 

(Monte over to front of table l. Sir Charles crosses 
to R. Monte crosses to front of sofa. ) 

Monte. Stuff! Criminals! I wouldn't .yf^a/.' You're 
dead wrong. Of course, I borrow a few things now and 
again to keep me goin', and put 'em back when the wheel 
swings round again my way. I've got a few of the 
mater's jim-jangles here now. (Taking out jewel case.) 
Took 'em in case you weren't in. Got to have some 
money to-day. (Opens the case and shows it to Sir 
Charles.) Mater's got so many she doesn't miss 'em. 
If she does, it's a nice Httle surprise for her when they 
turn up again, isn't it ? Look at that, is it not a beauty ? 

(Crosses to c.) 

Sir Charles. You took that from your mother? 

Monte. For a day or two. I hate doin' it. Much 
rather get it from you and make a bit for you as well. 

Sir Charles. You will not only get nothing from me, 
but you will give that back to your mother now. 

(Crosses to door l.) 

Monte. Now? Now? (To sofa, crosses to R.) 
Sir Charles (opens door). Mrs. Witherspoon. 
(Enter Mrs. Witherspoon. Sir Charles crosses over 
L. to front of table l. Mrs. Witherspoon coming down 
c Monte r. Sir Charles coming to Monte.) Give 
that back to your mother. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 2<) 

Monte. 'Course I will, bless her heart. Here you are, 
mater, catch on to it. {Hands her case.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon {takes it in absolute astonishment 
and looks at it). Where did you get this? 

(Crosses to r. c. holding up case.) 

Monte. Top, left-hand drawer of the Wedgewood. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You ought to be ashamed of 
yourself. 

Monte. I am ! — at bein* hard up. So ought you to be 
for keepin' me — hard up. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You dared to take this from my 
drawer ? 

Monte. Half an hour ago. Got somethin* else, too. 
{Takes another case out of another pocket.) They don't 
give much on your jewelry, mother. And it gets less 
each time. There we are — Maltese brooch ! Take it. 

Mrs. Witherspoon ( takes it indignantly). Monte ! 

Monte. Half a minute. {Dives into breast pocket.) 
And — here's a — chain ! Here — take the lot — I don't want 
you to bother about 'em. I dare say I'll rub along some- 
how. {Crosses to r.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. I'm surprised and disgusted. 

Monte. I'm disgusted all right. I say. Sir 
Charles {Crosses to l. c.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon {stands c). Have you anything 
else? 

Monte. Nothing. Honor! Search me! 

(Holds up his hands.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. What do you think will be your 
end? 

Monte. God bless my soul, how should I know? I 
haven't really started yet. Don't let's talk about ends. 

Mrs. Witherspoon {crosses to sofa and sits). Monte, 
you go home, pack up and take the afternoon train for 
Woollacombe. 

Monte. Oh, I say ! What for ? 

{Comes dozvn back of chair.) 



30 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You stay there with your aunt 
until I give you permission to come back. 

(Crosses to r. Monte follows to back of chair r.) 

Monte. Oh, but Woollacombe ! (Shudders.) Makes 
me sliiver to think of it. Mucky hole. (Sudden thought. 
Above table.) Say, mater, will you let me have three 
hundred if I go ? 

(Crosses to back of table. Sir Charles crosses to 
front of table.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. I make no promises. 

Monte. Still you don't say no? (Answers.) No? 
Right ! Can you give me a bit on account anyway ? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You'll have your allowance on 
the first. 

Monte. And this is the twenty-fifth ! A week to go. 
I'll do it — (Getting hat on table r.) I'll go for a week! 
Just one week! Woollacombe. (Crosses back to c. 
Then in disgust.) 1 say, Sir Charles, grimy children 
and fat women all waddling together in the inoffensive 
sea. (Shudders. Then pulls himself together.) To 
please you, mater — bless you. There we are. All for- 
given. Kiss your obedient boy. 

(Holds his cheek out and crosses to Mrs. Wither- 
spoon.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Go! 

Monte (reproachfully). No? (Answers.) No! (To 
Sir Charles.) Women are very ungrateful. Sir Charles, 
ain't they? Many a woman would be delighted to kiss 
me for half the jewelry I've given her, wouldn't they? 
Well, bye-bye ! (To Sir Charles.) Sorry you wouldn't 
cut in. Must raise a bit somewhere else. Bye! (At 
door c.) Well, it's darkest 'ere the dawn. (Exits c. 
singing. ) 

" I've got a motter. 
Always merry and bright." 

Mrs. Witherspoon (puts on hat). That boy needs a 
man in the house. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 



3' 



Sir Charles. He does. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. One who can guide him and 
chastise him. 

Sir Charles. Exactly. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. A strong man. 

Sir Charles. A very strong man. 

{Enter Parks, c.) 

Parks. Mr. Joshua Turner. 

Sir Charles. Ah! Joshua. Come in, Turner. 
{Crosses up to meet Joshua, brings him down.) How 
are you ? 

TvRNER (hand to head) . Wretched! I had a dread- 
ful night. I mixed champagne and Oh, it was 

so (Catches sight of Mrs. Witherspoon, checks 

himself. ) Oh ! Dear ! 

Sir Charles. Excuse me for a few minutes. 

(Starts for door l.) 

Turner (nervously holding on to him). Oh, don't 
leave me, my dear fellow. 

Sir Charles. I'll be back in a moment. 

(Looks at them both and laughs himself out l.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon (sternly). Come here! Come 
here! (Turner comes down to her.) I asked you to 
stay in until I called. 

Turner. I just wanted to see Sir Charles for a 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You learn to do as you're told. 

Turner. Yes, Mrs. Witherspoon. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Sit down! (He sinks into a 
seat at l. of table r. ) What's the matter with you ? 

Turner (puts hand to head). Head's not quite the 
thing. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. At it again last night ? 

Turner. Yes. A little. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You're a fine man ! 

Turner. I don't feel it. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. And you don't look It. 

Turner. I'm thoroughly penitent this morning. I've 
been turning it over in my mind. Never again. 



32 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Mrs. Witherspoon. And I've been turning you over 
in my mind. 

Turner. That's nice of you. (Leaning over table.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. That girl of yours has no con- 
trol over you. 

Turner. None. I'm not afraid of her. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Now I'm tired of being alone. 

Turner. Are you? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Yes, I am. Especially when my 
night's rest is disturbed by fools breaking into my house. 

Turner. I heard about it. Oh! {Sits hack in 
chair.) Dreadful! 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Well, I've made up my mind. 
Whatever you are you look Hke a man. (Rises.) Here 
is my proposal. You protect me from burglars and Fll 
save you from yourself. (Rise together.) 

Turner. Oh, I wish you would. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. I will. 

Turner. Thank you. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Then that's settled. We marry. 

Turner. Thank you so much. (They both sit.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. How long will it take you to 
get ready? 

Turner. Oh, no time at all. I'm ready now. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. I don't believe in long engage- 
ments. 

Turner. Neither do I. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Monday week. 

Turner. Monday week. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. From now on you're not to 
touch anything. 

Turner. Not a drop. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You'll report three times a day 
at my house. 

Turner. Three? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Yes, three. 

Turner. Three times. Very well. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. When we return from our 
honeymoon — (Shivers.) ridiculous expression — I'll take 
up the training of your daughter. 

Turner. Thank you. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 33 

Mrs. Witherspoon. She's a tomboy and as my step- 
daughter she'll have to behave herself. 

Turner. Will you tell her that ? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Certainly I v^ill, and a great deal 
more too. 

Turner. Thank you, so much. 

Mrs. Witherspoon {rises). For goodness' sake, pull 
yourself together. Haven't you any spirit ? 

Turner. Not much — just now — my head 

{Presses his head.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Stand up. (Turner rises.) 
Look at me. I don't want to have to apologize for you 
wherever we go. 

Turner. Oh, please don't! 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Remember, you are to be my 
husband. 

Turner. I'll remember it, Mrs. Witherspoon. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. From now on you can call me 
Georgiana. 

Turner. Thank you, Georgiana. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You ought to think yourself 
lucky that a woman like me should bother with you at all. 

Turner. I do. I'm very grateful to you : very grate- 
ful indeed. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You can kiss me. 

Turner. Oh ! May I ? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You may. Mind, I don't think 
it necessary, but it's customary and men seem to like 
doing it. Go on. 

Turner {starts to kiss her). Thank you. {Kisses her 
on the cheek.) Thank you. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Joshua 

Turner. Georgiana 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Now go and tell your daughter. 
See about a special license and call on me this afternoon 
at three. {Crosses up to door c.) 

Turner. Yes, Georgiana. 

{Enter Parks c.) 
Parks. Miss Turner. (Turner crosses to R.) 



34 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

(Parks shows in Lillian, c, and exits. Lillian 
comes impulsively and energetically into the room: 
stops short when she sees Mrs. Witherspoon. ) 

Lillian {to Mrs. Witherspoon). Oh! You! 

(Stands r. of c.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon (sternly). Good morning, Miss 
Turner. 

Lillian. Good morning, Mrs. Witherspoon. 
Mrs. Witherspoon (to Turner). Tell her. 

(Lillian crosses to back of armchair r.) 

Turner. Oh, but I 



Lillian. Tell me? M^hatf 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Your father has accepted my 
hand in marriage ! 

Lillian. Oh, father! (Turns to back of chair.) 

Turner. I have indeed, dear ! 

Lillian (crosses to Mrs. Witherspoon). How dare 
you take advantage of my poor httle father, Mrs. Wither- 
spoon ? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. We will go into that later. The 
wedding will be on Monday week. 

Lillian. Monday week! Ha! You're not wasting 
time, are you ? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. When we return I shall take up 
the question of your training. 

Lillian. Oh ! Will you ? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Under my own eye. 

Lillian. Train met Under your eye? Ha, ha! 
I'd like to see you do that. (Sits on arm of chair r.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. As my stepdaughter you'll have 
to behave yourself. 

Lillian. As my stepmother you'll obHge me and 
yourself by keeping as far as possible away from me. 

(Rises.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Joshua! 

Turner. Yes, Georgiana ! 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You'll call on me at three. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 35 

Turner. Yes, Georgiana. 

Mrs. Witherspoon {crosses to door. Lillian starts 
and follows Mrs. Witherspoon. Turns at door.) Till 
three — Joshua ! [Exits c. 

Turner. Yes, Georgiana! 

Lillian (crosses and stands back of table r.). Father! 
Why did you ask that crabby woman to stepmother met 

Turner. Well, you see, my dear (Sits on sofa.) 

Lillian. Why didn't you at least warn me you were 
going to do it ? 

Turner. / didn't do it. She did it. I'm not marry- 
ing her, she's marrying me. It's dreadful. 

Lillian. It is dreadful. (Coming back to back of 
chair.) But whyf 

Turner. She'll keep me straight. 

Lillian. Why can't you go straight for my sake? 

(Back of chair l. of table, puts parasol on table.) 

Turner. Because I'm not afraid of you, dear. With 
Georgiana I'll be frightened every minute I'm with her or 
away from her. 

Lillian. It sounds like a nice, cheerful marriage. 

Turner. Dreadful! The events of last night decided 
us. 

Lillian. How ? 

Turner. / overstepped the border-line of sobriety. 

Lillian (coming to side of chair c). You did. 

Turner. And a ruffian frightened her out of her life 
by breaking into her house. 

Lillian. A ruffian? (Crosses to front of chair.) 

Turner. But they caught him ! 

Lillian. It must have been (Turns to Turner.) 

They didn't think he was a burglar? (Crosses to c.) 

Turner. Certainly they did. He was taken to the 
poHce station after a desperate fight. The footman told 
me this morning. (Lillian laughs uncontrollably.) 
Please don't laugh. (Rises.) 

Lillian. A burglar! (Laughs.) Oh, how foolish! 
How perfectly foolish. (Continues to laugh.) 

(Enter Sir Charles.) 



36 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Turner. Don't laugh. 

Sir Charles. Why, my dear Lillian. I needn't ask 
you how you are ! (Shaking hands.) 

Lillian. Good morning, Sir Charles (Trying 

to control her laughter.) I've got a terrible confession to 
make to you. 

Turner (feebly giving Sir Charles his hand). Good- 
bye. (Crosses up to R.) 

Lillian. Where are you going? 

Turner. To get the license. 

Lillian. Poor Httle father. (To Sir Charles.) 
She's caught him at last. 

Sir Charles. Indeed? 

Lillian (to Turner). Well, I mustn't be hard on 
you with all you've got to look forward to. (Goes over 
to Turner.) But if you can summon up enough 
courage — break it off and let us go on being father and 
daughter as we've done since mother died. Please break 
it off. 

Turner. She'll never let me. No, dear, I'm done for. 
There's no hope. 

Lillian. Now remember this. The day you marry 
Mrs. Witherspoon you see me for the last time. 

Turner. Where will you go ? 

Lillian (crosses to front of sofa). Anywhere — 
everywhere — away from Mrs. Witherspoon. 

(Crosses away from him.) 

Turner (shaking his head. Crosses up r.). It's dread- 
ful ! Dreadful! (To Sir Charles.) Will you do me 
a favor? 

Sir Charles (l. of door c). Anything. 

Turner. I'd Hke to have one friend by me at that 
awful — I mean anxious moment. Will you be my best 
man? 

Sir Charles. Certainly. 

Turner (feebly shakes his hand). Thank you so 
much! (Crosses to door.) So much. (Sighs.) Oh, 
it's dreadful, dreadful. [Exits door c. 

Lillian (to back of table r.). Sir Charles, if father 
marries what's to become of me? 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 37 

{Sits in R. of armchair,)^ 

Sir Charles. Follow his example. 
Lillian. Get married ? 
Sir Charles. Woman's vocation. 
Lillian. I'm afraid I've missed it. 
Sir Charles. Don't be too sure. 

(Leans on back of chair.) 

Lillian. I am thinking of entering a convent. 
Sir Charles. How long have you had that idea ? 

(Laughs.) 

Lillian. Several minutes at least. I'm sick of every- 
thing — most of all of myself. You see my mother died 
when I was quite a little girl and I had to bring myself 
up. And oh ! what a mess I've made of it. 

Sir Charles. Oh, no. 

Lillian (back to chair). Yes, I have. My future 
stepmother — (Shudders.) rubs that in whenever she 
meets me. She doesn't exactly say I'm vulgar, but she 
implies it. 

Sir Charles. Don't take any notice of her. 

Lillian. I'm not sure that she isn't right. Tm not 
sure that — that — oh, everything I say, everything I do is 

wrong. And now if father leaves me I'll — I'll Oh! 

I'm wretched ! Wretched ! 

(Breaks down and covers her eyes.) 

Sir Charles (comes around to Lillian, tries to cheer 
her). Come ! . You mustn't do that. 

Lillian. Let me — just a little. (Sobs.) 

Sir Charles. Well, just a little. 

Lillian. I always feel much better after a good cry. 

Sir Charles. That's enough. 

(Leans on arm of chair, r.) 

Lillian. Of course. All right. If you don't Hke it 
I won't do it. (Looks up smiling through her tears.) 
Sir Charles. Do you know what you most need ? 
Lillian (shakes her head). No. 



38 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Sir Charles. An incentive. Something that will ex- 
tend your outlook — that will bring out all the kindly 
instincts in your nature. 

Lillian (looking up — smiling). Are you sure IVe 
got them? 

Sir Charles. Certainly I am, my dear Lillian. And 
I want you to use them in my behalf. 

Lillian (rising; astonished; misunderstanding him). 
Sir Charles! (Rises.) 

Sir Charles (backs across to c). Eh? What? 
Don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to make love to you. 

Lillian (sits). Oh well, if you're not going to do that 
it's all right. 

Sir Charles (back to chair). I want you to use them 
in the interests of some one who is very dear to me. 

Lillian. A woman? 

Sir Charles. No. My nephew. 

Lillian. But I don't know him. 

Sir Charles. That is easily remedied. 

Lillian. In what way do you wish me to interest 
myself ? 

Sir Charles. In the kindly generous way that a 
warm-hearted woman mothers a young man just entering 
life. 

Lillian (with an air of disgust, turns up nose). 
Mothers! I don't care about mothering much. 

Sir Charles. His father and I were warm friends. 
When he died I promised to advance this boy's pros- 
pects. I've done all that I could ! He resolutely combats 
me. I chose the profession of the law for him and 
offered him all my influence. He deliberately went in 
the opposite direction. (Comes around to front of arm- 
chair.) He's made a close and sympathetic study of 
criminals. (Comes down to l. of Lillian.) And now 
to climax my troubles he's fallen in love with a thief — a 
female burglar. 

Lillian. What a very extraordinary young man. Do 
you know he quite interests me. Where did he meet her? 

Sir Charles. In Seamore Place, last night. 

Lillian (rises in amazement back to end of couch). 
What? 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 39 

Sir Charles. She was with an accomplice; an old 
man. They were on the steps of Mrs. Witherspoon's 
house in evening dress — part of the method of the gang. 
They are both well known to the police. 

(Lillian crosses to c.) 

Iaiaak^ {controlling herself). Oh! Are \htyl 

Sir Charles. Especially the woman. They have her 
description. She is thirty-five, has red hair and squints 
with one eye. 

Lillian {crosses over to table l. controlling her laughs 
ter). Does she? 

Sir Charles. The woman persuaded him to break into 
the house. He did so and was caught. Of course, the 
moment the trouble began the thieves disappeared. 

Lillian. Yes, of course they disappeared. 

{Becomes convulsed with suppressed laughter. Sir 
Charles rises and goes to c.) 

Sir Charles. Well, I got my nephew out of the 
police-court proceedings, brought him here and then had 
to listen to rhapsodies on the beauty, the nobility of na- 
ture, the attraction of manner, etc., of the female thief. 

Lillian {mischievously). Thirty-five, red hair — 
squints with one eye — and yet he said she was beautiful? 

Sir Charles. Petrarch never lauded Laura more. 

Lillian. And noble ? 

Sir Charles. The noblest of her sex. His parting 
words were : " That is just the type of woman to give 
one's name to, to devote one's whole life to." 

Lillian {her eyes dancing with mischief and merri- 
ment). Ha, ha! What an interesting young man! 

Sir Charles. Now, will you help me? 

Lillian. I'd love to. How? 

Sir Charles. Give him a glimpse of what real beauty 
and real nobility mean. 

Lillian. Can I ? 

Sir Charles. You can — if you will allow me to in- 
ti'oduce you. 



40 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian (alarmed). Is he heret 

(Crosses to table L.) 

Sir Charles. No. He leaves this afternoon to join 
his mother in WooUacombe in Devonshire. 

Lillian. WooUacombe? He's going to WooUa- 
combe ? 

Sir Charles. Yes. 

Lillian (sits in chair, l. of table l. Pause). Fve an 
aunt in WooUacombe. (Sits thinking.) 

Sir Charles (l. Looks at her meaningly). Cer- 
tainly. Martha Watts. (To r. c.) 

Lillian. Yes. She keeps the daintiest little tea shop. 
Oh — (Rises with sudden thought.) if I only could. 

(Crosses to him.) 

Sir Charles. Could v^hat? 

Lillian (crosses to him). Sir Charles, IVe been so 
long a girl in vv^aiting in London — w^aiting for the great 
something to happen that every woman deep down in her 
heart is waiting for — that the impulse comes to be a real 
" girl in waiting " in WooUacombe. There I might meet 
this extraordinary young man — cultivate him ; rub off his 
ragged edges; teach him the folly of criminaHty — the 
beauty of nobility, of honesty, — in my aunt's tea shop in 
WooUacombe. (Laughs at the thought.) 

Sir Charles (earnestly) . I wish you would. 

Lillian. I will. 

Sir Charles. Good. 

Lillian. But on one condition. 

Sir Charles. What is it ? 

Lillian. Don't let him have the slightest idea that I 
am going down there, who I am or what my object is. 
Whilst I am staying with my aunt I shall be just plain — 
let me see — plain ** Miss Brown." 

Sir Charles. Miss Brown. Very well. 1*11 tell him 
nothing. When will you go ? 

Lillian. To-morrow. (Warn Curtain) 

Sir Charles. For long? 

Lillian. Just long enough to convert your nephew. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 4I 

Sir Charles. Now Fve hopes for him. Thank you, 
Miss {Holds out his hand.) 

Lillian (merrily — taking his hand). " Miss Brown " 
— the girl-in-waiting! Now I must run. (Gets parasol 
on table r.) Thank you for your kindly confidence in 
me. Do you know I feel much, much happier since I 
came in here. I have something to do. I'm no longer 
waiting. (Comes to c.) Good-bye. If you write to me 
at Woollacombe, don't forget to write to 

Sir Charles. "Miss Brown?" (Enter Parks, c, 
with afternoon papers. Sir Charles takes papers from 
Parks.) Show Miss Turner out. 

Lillian (goes to door c, laughingly turns to Sir 
Charles). Don't forget "Miss Brown." Good-bye! 
Ha, ha! 

(Laughs, exits, followed by Parks, who closes the door.) 

Sir Charles (sits reading afternoon paper). " Lloyd 
George on the Budget." " Split in the Irish Parliamen- 
tary Party." Hello! What's this? "The Daring Bur- 
glaries in the West End. Definite Clue to the Evening- 
Dress Gang." Good! (Reads.) "It appears that the 
woman is well known to the police as ' Miss Brown.' " 
(Looks up.) Miss Brown! 

(Slowly turns and looks in the direction Lillian dis- 
appeared. ) 



SLOW CURTAIN 



ACT II 

SCENE.— Martha Watts' Confectioner^s Shop; Wool- 
lacomhe, Devonshire. 

(As curtain rises there is a scene of bustle and activity. 
Mrs. Watts hurries in with newly made cakes and 
puts them on the counter; the Waitress and Amy, 
the cashier, are both taking money from two young 
men seated at tables down r. and up at back by the 
window. ) 

Waitress {whose name is Rose). Thank you, sir. 

1ST Young Man. When do you expect Miss Brown 
back? 

Waitress. I haven't the slightest idea. 

1ST Young Man. Nuisance! I've waited half an 
hour. I'll look in again a Httle later. (Saunters out.) 

2ND Young Man (to Amy). Is this Miss Brown's 
afternoon off? 

Amy. Eh ? 

2ND Young Man. I say, is this Miss Brown's after- 
noon off? 

Amy. Every afternoon is her afternoon off if she 
wants it. 

2ND Young Man. Really? 

Amy. Yes, really! 

(She goes up to her little elevated cashier's box, puts 
the money in. Waitress gives her the money she's 
taken. Amy puts it in the drawer, bell rings. ) 

2ND Young Man. I'll call round bye and bye in case 
Miss Brown (Rose goes down c.) gets back. Good day! 



(Starts up.) 

foot angrily) 
> Brown ! I' 

(Crosses to c.) 



Amy (stamping her foot angrily). Miss Brown! Miss 
Brown ! Always Miss Brown ! I've had enough of it. 



4* 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 43 

Waitress. And so have I. 

Amy. And I'm going to tell Mrs. Watts so. (Crosses 
to L. Enter Mrs. Watts hurriedly with more cakes, goes 
jbehind counter and puts them on dishes.) Mrs. Watts, 
I've been v^ith you six months. 

Mrs. Watts. You have, Amy. 

Amy. And I work hard for you, don't I ? 

Mrs. Watts. You do, Amy. 

Amy. Well, Miss Brown's been with you six days and 
she does absolutely nothing. Goes off riding and driving 
every afternoon : cheeks all the lady customers, and every 
young man in the village comes around asking for her: 
"Where's Miss Brown?" "When do you expect Miss 
Brown ? " " Do you think Miss Brown will be back this 
afternoon?" I won't stand it any longer. I want to 
leave. 

Waitress. So do I. It's not fair. 

Mrs. Watts. Rose, take those back to the kitchen. 
1*11 talk to you later. Go on. (Exit Waitress l. pout- 
ing.) Amy, my dear, you mustn't talk of leaving me. 

Amy. But I 

Mrs. Watts. If I tell you a secret, will you promise 
me to keep it ? 

Amy. a secret ? Oh, yes. I love secrets. 

Mrs. Watts. Miss Brown is my niece. 

Amy. IVhatr 

Mrs. Watts. She's my niece — she's down here partly 
for a holiday — at least she says so, — but really just for 
a prank. 

Amy. Oh! Why? 

Mrs. Watts. I don't know why, yet. But I will be- 
fore long. She was always a wild, mischief-loving romp 
and this is one more of her madcap tricks. You'll not 
say a word to any one ? 

Amy. Not a word. 

Mrs. Watts. And you'll say no more about leaving? 

(Miss Janeway appears from r.) 

Amy. No, dear Mrs. Watts. I'll stay with you for 
ever. But I do wish the young men didn't like Miss 
Brown so much. 



44 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

(Enter Miss Janeway, a little, quaint^ old-fashioned 
woman of fifty mith a pokehonnet, stuff-dress, and 
an Indian shawl; goes down timidly to table c. and 
rings three times.) 

Mrs. Watts. A customer. Take her order. I'll 
send in Rose. Mind, not a word. [Exits at opening r. 

Amy. Not a word. {Goes to Miss Janeway.) Yes? 

Miss Janeway. A muffin, please, and a glass of milk. 

Amy {goes to speaking tube and calls down). Muffin 
and a glass of milk. 

(Rose enters and goes to desk. Mrs. Hemmings ap- 
pears in doorway c. Rose comes back to counter, gets 
tray and exits, comes back immediately. Enter Mrs. 
Hemmings, a sturdily built, severely-respectable, 
autocratic woman of forty-six. As she walks over 
to table R. with her packages Miss Janeway sees 
her and coughs apologetically. The Waitress 
enters, speaks to Amy who has mounted her stool. 
Amy points out Mrs. Hemmings, Waitress goes 
over to her.) 

Miss Janeway {in a thin, apologetic voice.. .Rises 
and crosses to l. of table). Mrs. Hemmings, how do you 
do? Let me take your parcels. 

{Shakes hands and goes back to her seat.) 

Mrs. Hemmings {turns). Oh! How do you do, 
Miss Janeway? May I sit here? {Sits l. of table r. c.) 

Miss Janeway. Oh, yes, please. I'm all alone. 
Mild, isn't it? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Hot, I call it. 

{Places her parcels on chair and takes an afternoon 
paper from under them. ) 

Waitress {down at table). What can I get you? 
Mrs. Hemmings. A bath-bun and some black tea. 
Waitress {writing the order). Yes, ma'am. 

( Turns away. ) 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 45 

Mrs. Hemmings. Where's the other waitress? 

(Rose comes down to l. of Mrs. Hemmings.) 

Waitress. Miss Brown? Out driving. 
Mrs. Hemmings. Driving? Driving f 
Waitress. Yes, ma'am. We expect her "back any 
minute. 

(Talks to Amy for a minute and goes out l. u. e.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Did you hear that? 

Miss Janeway. Certainly I did. I did indeed. 

Mrs. Hejvimings. A waitress in a tea-shop driving! 
It doesn't seem quite right to me. 

Miss Janeway. You may well say that, Mrs. Hem- 
mings. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I'm only hoping my son may not 
come here, in case he meets her. 

Miss Janeway. I'm sure you do, Mrs. Hemmings. 

Mrs. Hemmings. George has never had a woman 
friend yet, Miss Janeway. 

Miss Janeway. That must be a great comfort to you, 
Mrs. Hemmings. 

Mrs. Hemmings. It's the way I've brought him up. 
His mother and criminals are his only studies. 

Miss Janeway. How very nice. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I allow him to study criminals. He 
wants to help them. We had a pickpocket with us once 
for three weeks. He was trying to reform him. 

Miss Janeway. And did he, Mrs. Hemmings ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. No, he did not. The wretch dis- 
appeared one night with most of our silver. From that 
moment I put my foot down. I said : " George ! Study 
criminals as much as you Hke but you're not to meet 
them." 

Miss Janeway. Did he obey you? 

Mrs. Hemmings. He always obeys me. I've got him 
where every mother should have her son — under my 
thumb, and there he stays until I find some woman of a 
respectable age that I can marry him to. (Waitress 
down at table with tea, etc., puts milk and muffin in front 



46 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

of Miss Janeway first. ) Then let her put him under her 
thumb. (Waitress puts the tea, etc., in front of Mrs. 
Hem MINGS.) Where all husbands should be. 
Miss Janeway. Is this milk fresh? 

{Examining it suspiciously.) 

Waitress. We've ha'd no complaints so far to-day, 
ma'am. (Waitress gives them checks.) 

Miss Janeway {looks at milk, sips it with marked 
doubt). Oh, very well. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Is it usual for Miss Brown to drive 
in the afternoon? (Gives girl money.) 

Waitress. Except when she rides, ma'am. She said 
it was too hot to-day so she took the groom for a fly 
round the village. 

(Takes money, goes up to Amy, gives her check, which 
she puts on file.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. It won't do, Miss Janeway. 

Miss Janeway (pushing the milk away in disgust). 
No ! It won't ! I knew it wasn't fresh ! 

Newsboy (beginnijtg in the distance and then passing 
the windozus from l. to r.). The great jewel robbery! 
Special edition! (Keeps it up.) 

(Amy gives Waitress a coin. Waitress hurries to 
door and buys a paper and rushes back to Amy; 
they both read it. The Newsboy calls on out of 
hearing. The moment Mrs. Hemmings hears the 
boy calling she takes up the paper she brought in.) 

Mrs. Hemmings (finding the account in the paper and 
reading it). What a dreadful thing about Mrs. Wither- 
spoon's tiara. 

Miss Janeway. Isn't it awful! 

Mrs. Hemmings. She just came down here to stay 
one night with her sister and it was stolen that night. 
(Catching sight of a paragraph.) Oh! my dear 

Miss Janeway (leaning over table) . What's the mat- 
ter? 

Mrs. Hemmings. The paper says that it was the work 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 



47 



of a gang from London, " The Evening-Dress Gang," and 
the ringleader is a woman — a " Miss Brown." Her 
name's ** Miss Brown " ! Oh, if it should be 

Miss Janeway. This waitress, Miss Brown ? Oh, my 
gracious, suppose it were? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Miss Janeway, it's our duty to do 
something. 

Miss Janeway. Oh, please don't bring me into it, 
Mrs. Hemmings. I get such poor health. {Coughs.) 

(Barker seen off r.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Very well, then, I'll do something! 

{They go on eating and talking.) 

{Enter Alan Barker quietly and mysteriou.'sly ; he 
looks around carefully, examines Miss Janeway 
and Mrs. Hemmings, creeps quietly on tiptoe to 
Amy. Rose moves to r. of Barker at window. 
Fixes window. Amy is intent on her novel.) 

Barker. Hist ! 

Amy (starts and looks up). Eh! 

Barker (mysteriously) . Is Mrs. Watts in? 

Amy. Rose — Mrs. Watts. (Goes on reading.) 

[Exit Waitress. 

Barker (in a loud whisper). Where's the other wait- 
ress ? The new one ? , 

Amy. Miss Brown? 

Barker. Sssh ! Yes, Miss Brown. (In a mysterious 
whisper.) Where is she? 

Amy. Out. (Reads.) 

Barker (anxiously). Not gone? 

Amy. Eh ? 

Barker. Not gone? 

Amy. Yes — gone out! 

(Goes on reading her hook during this scene.) 

Barker (very anxiously). But she's not gone away 
for goodf 
Amy. No. 



48 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Barker. When will she be back? 
Amy. Don't know. 

Barker. Well, do you know where she went? 
Amy. No. 

Barker. I say, you'll hurt yourself if you talk so 
much. 
Amy {with a toss of her head) . Cheeky! [Exits. 

(Enter Mrs. Watts.) 

Barker (mysteriously, crosses to l. on tiptoe with 
Mrs. Watts) . Are you Mrs. Watts ? 

Mrs. Watts. Yes, sir. 

Barker. Come here. (Takes her down to l. corner 
quickly.) I want to talk to you. (Looks carefully 
around, in a loud whisper.) You've a young woman 
here workin' as a waitress, goes by the name of Miss 
Brown. 

Mrs. Watts. I have ! 

Barker (still mysteriously). Do you know where she 
comes from? 

Mrs. Watts. Why, the very idea! Of course I do. 

Barker. Not so loud, be careful. (Quite near her.) 
From London, eh? 

Mrs. Watts. Certainly from London. 

Barker (looking r. toward Miss J anew ay and Mrs. 
Hemmings). Keep it down, keep it down, don't let 'em 
hear you. (In her ear.) Has she a good character ? 

Mrs. Watts. Good character ? Well, upon my 

Barker (in a whisper). Did you get any references 
with her? 

Mrs. Watts. References? What for? 

Barker. Don't you get references with servants? 

Mrs. Watts. Servant I You dare to call her 

Barker (in agony). They'll hear you out in the 
street. 

Mrs. Watts. Well, let them ! 

Barker. You don't know v/ho I am! 

Mrs. Watts. No, I don't. And what's more, I don't 
want to. 

Barker (takes out card mysteriously and looks around; 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 49 

right in her ear as if he were tellinq her a profound 
secret). I'm Barker — Alan Barker — of Scotland Yard. 
{Hands her card.) You can keep that! Take it! 

Mrs. Watts {takes it in amazement). Well, upon 
my 

Barker. Hist! I've come down from London on 
this jewel robbery ; Mrs. Witherspoon's tiara. It's a most 
mysterious case. Disappeared in the dead of night. 
Nothing else was stolen — just the tiara. Now, my im- 
pression is that the thief is still here. 

Mrs. Watts. Here ! 

Barker. Sssh ! Keep it down. Yes, here in Woolla- 
combe. I've been working very carefully on the case and 
I find there are two suspicious characters going about the 
village: a man who goes by the name of Bland and the 
young woman assistant of yours — Miss Brown. 

Mrs. Watts. Suspicious characters ? My 

Barker. She rides horseback, don't she ? 

Mrs. Watts. She does. 

Barker. And drives a trap as well ? 

Mrs. Watts. Certainly. 

Barker. Ha! You see / know. Now where does 
the money come from to pay for 'em, eh? Out of the 
wages you pay her? {Winks at her.) What do you 
think? I tell you she ain't no good! 

Mrs. Watts. What? 

Barker {grabs Mrs. Watts' wrist, right in her ear). 
I think — mind you, I think — she's one of what is known 
as the " Evening-Dress Gang " ! 

(Second Waitress enters, goes down to table, gets 
tray and exits. Crosses back after Barker crosses 
up. Waitress exits. Amy follows her on — looks 
off through windows.) 

Mrs. Watts. Why, you impertinent — get out of my 
shop! 

Barker. What ! 

Mrs. Watts. Get out ! 

Barker. All right, I'll go. Keep it down, keep it 
down, I've warned you. I'm coming (Waitress comes 



50 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

and takes tray off table c. r.) back. Bye-bye. {Steals 

up to door on tiptoe, looks through, starts, in a whisper.) 
Mrs. Watts. (Excitedly.) Here! (Mrs. Watts goes 
to him fuming.) Here she is — and in a trap — and with 
a groom. 

(Looks out of window. Amy exits. Rose brings in 
hat and apron.) 

Mrs. Watts. You get out. 

(Comes down to counter.) 

Barker (remains at l. of door). Keep it down, here 
she is. 

(Enter Groom, holds the door open. Enter Lillian.) 

Lillian (stands by Mrs. Watts, to Groom). Come 
around to-morrow at the same time. Finch. 
Groom (touches his hat). Yes, miss. 
Barker. Hi ? You ? 

(Takes the Groom by the arm, looks in at the window 
and disappears talking to the Groom. The moment 
Lillian enters Mrs. Hemmings grips Miss Jane- 
way by the arm: they both rise and watch her.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. I'll want a few minutes with you 
later, Mrs. Watts. 

(Looks at Lillian indignantly and exits c. Lillian 
laughs. Miss Janeway gathers up her parcels; goes 
c, nods to Mrs. Watts, sees Lillian, gathers up 
her skirts in horror and runs out after Mrs. Hem- 
mings.) 

Lillian (laughing). What a funny old maid ! (Hold- 
ing up letter.) Auntie, I must leave you to-morrow for 
just three days. Poor little father marries on Monday 
and he insists — entreats me to be there to see the sacrifice. 
But the next day I'll come straight back to you, Auntie 
dear. (Crosses to l. of table r.) 

Mrs. Watts (turning, follows her). Now Lillian 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 5I 

Lillian. Sssh ! " Miss Brown." 

(Looking around mysteriously.) 

Mrs. Watts. No ! No more " Miss Brown ! " From 
now you've got to be Miss Turner, my niece. 

Lillian. What? With my adventure only just be- 
gun ? Why, my dear aunt, everything is going splendidly. 

Mrs. Watts. Splendidly ! 

Lillian. Magnificently ! I know something is going 
to happen soon — I get little creepy thrills when I think 
of it. 

Mrs. Watts. Something has happened ! 

Lillian. Oh ! What? Tell me. 

Mrs. Watts. A detective has been here. 

Lillian. A detective, really? 

Mrs. Watts. For you ! 

Lillian. No? For me? Oh! Splendid! {Clap- 
ping her hands.) Go on. 

Mrs. Watts. He says you're one of the only two 
suspicious characters in Woollacombe. 

Lillian {overjoyed). Did he say that? 

Mrs. Watts. — that you're a member of a gang 

Lillian. Oh! How adorable! Goon! {Excitedly.) 

Mrs. Watts. I'm sure he thinks you stole Mrs. With- 
erspoon's tiara. 

Lillian {takes off her hat and puts on waitress' cap). 
Why didn't I come in sooner? I'd have had such fun 
with him ! 

Mrs. Watts. And then Mrs. Hemmings ! 

Lillian. Mrs. Hemmings? Has she spoken about 
me? 

Mrs. Watts. For fifteen minutes this morning in 
High Street. 

Lillian {eagerly). What did she say? 

Mrs. Watts. That you don't look respectable 

Lillian. I wonder if I do! {Looking in glass.) 

Mrs. Watts. — and that the one thing she hoped was 
that her son would never come into my shop in case he 
met you. 

Lillian {laughing, then mysteriously, putting on 



52 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

apron). Auntie! He is the real reason for my Being 
here! 

Mrs. Watts (m^^). What? 

Lillian. Ssh, not so loud. I'm here to rub off his 
ragged edges ! 

Mrs. Watts. Lillian! 

Lillian. I'm here to teach him what "real beauty 
and real nobility " mean. 

Mrs. Watts. Do you know him? 

Lillian {laughing). No! We've met but I don't 
know him ! 

Mrs. Watts. But how did you ? 

Lillian. I'm here at his uncle's request to form his 
character. I've thrown myself in his way several times 
but he never even looks at me. Now I'm going to change 
my plan of attack. I'm going to make him look at me. 
Aren't I worth looking at ? I'm going to make him speak 
to me. {Looking in glass again.) 

Mrs. Watts. His mother will never let you near him. 
{Crosses over left to c.) You'd better give it up. 

Lillian. Listen! {Crosses to Mrs. Watts — mys- 
teriously. ) He has one great passion in his life ! 

(Takes her hat over with her.) 

Mrs. Watts. Passion! You? 

Lillian. No, not me. Thieves. I read in this after- 
noon's paper, they say that the police suspect that Mrs. 
Witherspoon's tiara was stolen by a '' Miss Brown.** 

Mrs. Watts. What? 

Lillian. So I've written to Mr. Hemmings asking him 
to call here and signed the letter, *' Miss Brown." See ? 

(Laughing.) 

Mrs. Watts. How dare you ? 

Lillian. Just to oblige his uncle. Tt*s a great re- 
sponsibility, rubbing off ragged edges and {Putting ^ her 
arm around Mrs. Watts.) I never shirk responsibilities. 

Mrs. Watts. You're going to get into a whole lot of 
trouble. 

Lillian. I'm going to have a whole lot of fun. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 53 

Mrs. Watts. I don't like it. 

Lillian. I love it. 

Mrs. Watts. You're going to become my niece now. 

Lillian. No, Auntie dear. Fm going to be, please, 
just a little longer — " Miss Brown " — the girl-in-waiting. 
(Bland enters mysteriously — looks up and down the 
street cautiously. Then sidles down to a table r. Sits 
at L. of table. Amy enters.) A customer! 

Mrs. Watts. Now once and for all 

Lillian. Sssh ! 

{Pantomimes Mrs. Watts to go while she waits on 
the customer.) 

Mrs. Watts {goes up shaking her head and talking to 
herself — stops at cashier's box). What are you read- 
ing? 

Amy. *' Spasms!'* [Mrs. Watts ^.^iif.y. 

Lillian {puts hat on counter; crosses to the table 
Bland is sitting at). Yes, sir? 

Bland {in a mysterious undertone). Has my friend 
been in? 

Lillian. I don't know. What is your friend like ? 

Bland. Him that meets me here every day as a rule. 

Lillian. I've only just come in myself, I'll ask. 
{Laughs, goes to Amy. Bland keeps looking furtively 
out into the street; his whole manner anxious and appre- 
hensive. Lillian, to Amy.) Do you know that man's 
friend ? 

Amy {looks across at Bland; excitedly). Oh, yes! 
Mr. Witherspoon. 

Lillian. Mr. Whof 

Amy. Mr. Witherspoon. 

Lillian {astonished). Mow f^ Witherspoon? 

Amy. He comes here every afternoon while you're 

outdriving. You know {Eagerly picking up paper 

and showing Lillian a paragraph.) His mother had her 
tiara stolen. 

Lillian {looking at paper). Well, that refined-look- 
ing gentleman wants to know if Mr. Witherspoon has 
been in to-day. 



54 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Amy (sighs). Not yet. But he will. At least I hope 
he will. 

Lillian (looking at her in amazement) . Hello, whaf s 
the matter ? 

Amy. Nothing ! But I do hope he will. 

[Sighs again and exits L. 

Lillian (significantly). Oho! Indeed. 

(Looks at afternoon paper.) 

Bland (rapping the hell; in a hoarse undertone). Come 
along, young woman. Can't wait here while you read the 
newspapers. Come along. 

Lillian (crosses to Bland). Your friend has not 
been in. 

Bland. All right. I'll wait. Bring me some tea. 

Lillian. Yes, sir. Anything with it? 

Bland (looks at her). Eh? (Smiles at her admir- 
ingly.) Why, whatever you like. (Lillian starts.) 
Here ! Don't remember seeing you before ? 

(Lillian stops at l. of table R. c.) 

Lillian. No ? 

Bland. Fresh gal, eh? 

Lillian. Quite fresh. So are our eggs. Will you 
have some with your tea ? 

Bland (leering at her). If you say so. Here! Take 
some time, won't they? 

Lillian. I'll hurry them. (Turns to go.) 

Bland. Ye needn't — so long as you come back and 
talk to me. Here ! You don't look much like a shop gal. 

Lillian. No, sir? 

Bland. I'll bet you come from some swell saloon-bar 
in town? 

Lillian. Oh ! How did you guess it ? 

Bland (gratified). Ah ! I know your kind anywhere. 
Sized you up the minute I laid eyes on you. What's the 
game down here ? 

Lillian. What's the — the game ? 

Bland. Yes, what's the game down here? 

Lillian. Garnet 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 55 

Bland. Holiday-making by the sea and earning a bit 
as well ? 

Lillian. That would be telling, wouldn't it? 

(Both laugh.) 

Bland (laughs coarsely). I like you. 
Lillian. Yes ? 

Bland. You'd make a good pal. 
Lillian. No, sir ! Yes, sir. 
Bland. What are you doing Sunday? 
Lillian. I haven't any idea yet, sir. 
Bland. We'll fix up something. { Winks. ) Leave it 
to me. 

Lillian. That would be charming of you. 

(Barker looks mysteriously in through the doors; 
creeps in quietly; gets out his note-book, stops c, 
watches them.) 

Barker (comes down to l. c. in a whisper). There 
they are! Together! (Makes a note.) 

Bland (the moment he sees Barker rises quickly). 
Hello ! A cop ! (In a mysterious undertone to Lillian. ) 
Say Mr. Bland called. I can't wait now. H my friend 
comes in say I called. So long. 

(Sneaks up and out door c. Barker r. of table, 
watches Bland off. Lillian stares after him in 
amazement ; goes up as if to see which way he went.) 

Barker (mysteriously and threateningly). Who is 
that man? (Crosses to -l.) 

Lillian (turns and sees Barker. Looks at him in 
astonishment, comes down to Barker, laughs). A cus- 
tomer ! 

Barker (watching her shrewdly). Know him? 

Lillian. Never saw him before. 

Barker. You come from London, eh ? 

Lillian. Yes, sir. 

Barker (as if he'd wrung a confession). Ah! 
(Mysteriously.) So does he! 



56 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian. Really! How remarkable! 

Barker (stops her). Take care, young woman. You 
■ — may — go — too — far! 

Lillian (now thoroughly interested and amused). In 
what direction, please, sir? 

Barker. I'm Alan Barker of Scotland Yard. 

Lillian. A detective! 

Barker (as if pronouncing sentence). A detective! 

(Taking out card.) 

Lillian. How wonderful! I've always wanted to 
meet a detective ! 

{Her eyes dancing with merriment.) 

Barker (hands card). Well, you've met one now. 
You can keep that. Take it. 

Lillian (eagerly). Oh! Thank you! Fancy ^^ow a 
real detective. I'd never have thought it. What are 
you disguised as? 

Barker (looking himself over). Don't try the green 
game on me. I know you ! You are — Miss Brown. 

Lillian. I am. 

Barker (triumphantly). Ah! You see, I know you! 

Lillian. You're perfectly marvellous ! 

Barker (pointing off). And that man is a suspected 
receiver of stolen goods living in the Whitechapel Road, 
London. (Pauses to see effect.) 

Iallian (in a whisper). No? Is he? 

Barker. Yes, he is, is he. You can't kid me. 

Lillian. I wouldn't dare to. 

Barker. Why should he come all the way to Woolla- 
combe just to talk to you? 

Lillian. I don't know. Unless it's for the same 
reason you have. 

Barker. / have? 

Lillian. To amuse himself. 

Barker (scornfidly). Oh! Indeed! You're pretty 
smart, ain't ye ? 

Lillian. I'm glad you notice that. (Looks at him 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 57 

and laughs.) Fancy! You a detective! Do tell me 
what you're disguised as ? 

(Looks to front and back of him.) 

Barker. You'll laugh on the other side of your face 
presently. 

Lillian. You are funny I Really ! 

(Laughing immoderately.) 

Barker {examining her closely, looking down at her 
watch and rings). Pretty fond of jewelry, eh? 

Lillian. I'm very fond of jewelry. 

Barker. Like bracelets, eh? 

Lillian. Oh, I love bracelets. 

Barker {mysteriously). How about a pair of 'em, 
eh? 

Lillian. A pair of them, that would be splendid. 
(Barker takes out handcuffs and dangles them before 
her. ) Those are not the kind I mean. 

Barker. Handcuffs ! 

Lillian. Handcuffs ? 

Barker {in a hoarse whisper). I've got you just where 
I want you ! 

Lillian. I know what you are disguised as, an under- 
taker. 

{Crosses to counter l., picks up hat and puts it on 
desk, picks up paper and reads it.) 

{Enter Monte Witherspoon, dressed in flannels, 
humming a comic opera air; stops short zvhen he sees 
Barker. Lillian's back is to him. Monte crosses 
to table R., and rings bell. Barker steals out mys- 
teriously. Amy enters l. Lillian watches him 
out, puts hat on desk, picks up paper and hides her 
face, also watches him out; goes to table r. and sits.) 

Amy {excitedly). Miss Brown. (Lillian goes to 
her, stands in front of desk. ) That's him. 

{Pointing to Monte.) 



58 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian. Who, Amy? (Monte comes down id L. "of 
table R. Lillian now sees Monte for the first time.) 
Monte Witherspoon ! 

(Rings bell, hides her face with paper.) 

Amy. Isn't he lovely ? 

Lillian. Isn't he what, Amy ? Lovely ? I think he's 
beautiful. 
Amy. Yes. I call him the Prince ! 

(Monte crosses to r. of table r. and sits.) 

Lillian. Do you know him? 

Amy (sadly shakes her head). No. I've never spoken 
to him in my life ! And he never looks at me. (Sighs.) 
There's a lot of suffering in the world, isn't there ? 

Lillian (eagerly). Would you like to speak to him 



now 



Amy (excitedly, comes to front of desk). Would I? 
I'd love to. 

Lillian. You may. 

Amy (getting off stool). Do you mean it? 

Lillian. Certainly I do. Go on. 

Amy (shyly). Oh — Miss Brown. 

Lillian (hides her face in paper). Go and take his 
order. 

Amy. I don't Hke to now. 

Lillian. Don't be a Httle goose. 

Amy. Do I look all right? 

Lillian. Of course you do. 

Amy. Hair ? 

Lillian (holding up hand-mirror) . Beautiful. 

Amy (giggling). I'll get the giggles ! I know I'll get 
the giggles. (P idling herself together.) Here goes! 

(Crosses over to Monte. Lillian turns her back to 
Monte and over the newspaper looks covertly at 
Monte and shows in pantomime she doesn't want 
him to see her. Amy has gone to table, looks down 
at Monte and giggles. ) 

Monte (looking up). Eh? (Smiles at her.) Good- 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 59 

afternoon! (Amy giggles; so also does Monte.) I'll 
bet that's a good one, what is it ? Will you let me have 
some tea and a couple of nice fruity little tartlets ? 

Amy (giggling). Eh? 

Monte. Tea and tarts. (Smiling up at her.) 

Amy. Anything else ? 

Monte. Yes. I'd like to have a word or two with 
the other waitress. 

Amy (crestfallen). The o//i^r waitress ? 

Monte (pointing to Lillian). Yes. 

Amy (giggles away). Yes, sir. 

(Amy takes a step toward Monte.) 

Monte (looks at ring on her finger). Wait a moment. 

Oh, I say, what a charming Httle thing! A Httle ruby, 

isn't it ? 
Amy. Yes, sir. (Starts to leave. Giggling.) 
Monte. Oh, I say, what a silly Httle cuckoo. 

(Amy crosses, giggles as she crosses to Lillian, then 
sighs. ) 

Lillian. What's the matter? 

Amy. He wants to speak to you. 

Lillian (alarmed) . To mef 

Amy. Yes, they all want to speak to you. 

Lillian. Don't be foolish. 

Amy. Oh! He's just like the prince in ^/iw. (Tak- 
ing up novel.) May I wait on him to-morrow? 

Lillian. Certainly you may. And every day. 

Amy (joy f idly). Oh, thank you, Miss Brown. Thank 
you so much. (Runs to speaking tube.) Tea and goose- 
berry tarts. (Runs off giggling.) 

Lillian (goes over to Monte). Yes, sir? 

Monte. Oh, I say, God bless my soul, how are you? 

Lillian (with Irish accent). Sure, I'm all right, but 
I don't know you. 

Monte. Aren't you Miss Turner? 

Lillian. No, sir, I'm Miss Brown, sir. 

Monte. Miss ! I never saw such a resemblance 

in my life. 

Lillian. Miss Brown, sir. 



60 THE GIRL IN WAITING' 

Monte. Well, Til be damned. Oh, I beg your par- 
don. Why, my mother is going to marry your father. 
No, I mean she's going to marry her father. 

Lillian. Marry her father? Oh, go on, yer joking, 
she couldn't marry her father. 

Monte. No, no, I mean the other girl's father. 

Lillian. Look at that now. 

Monte. I never saw such a Oh, come now, 

you're Lillian Turner. 

Lillian. Mary Brown, if ye plaze, sir. Sure, what 
can I get you ? 

Monte. Look here, who was that man you were 
talking to when I came in? 

Lillian. He's a Scotland Yard detective, sir. 

Monte (alarmed). Oh, a detective. Oh, I see. 
Have you got a safe about you? 

Lillian. A safe about me, no, sir. It's too heavy. 
It's in the wall. 

Monte (looking at it). Of course. Will you keep 
something in it for me? Just a tiny little parcel. Here 
we are. (Taking it out.) Now tuck it in nice and snug 
hke a dear Httle girl, will you ? 

Lillian. I will that, sir. 

Monte. It contains photograph negatives of my poor 
dear mother. You won't open it, will you? 

Lillian. What for? 

Monte (looking at her intently). God bless my soul! 

Lillian. I hope He will, but I doubt it, sir. 

Monte. I never saw such a likeness in my life. 
You've got me fairly gravelled. 

Lillian. Oh, Mr. Bland called for you just now. 

Monte. Bland? Why didn't the beggar wait? 

Lillian. Sure, a Scotland Yard detective came in 
and he ran straight out of the shop. 

Monte. Go on ! Did he ? What an ass. I think I 
know where to find him. I'll just nip around the corner 
and see if I can find him. If I should miss him and he 
comes back you might ask him to wait, will you ? 

Lillian. I will that, sir. 

Monte (sees brooch). Oh, wait a moment, what a 
beauty! It's a duck! An emerald, isn't it? 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 61 

Lillian. It is, sir. 

Monte. Where did you get it? 

Lillian. It was my mother's emerald. 

Monte. Oh, your mother's. I suppose you couldn't 
spare it for a day or two? (Newsboy heard calling.) 
Oh, pardon me, I'll be back in a moment. {Goes out.) 
Here you are, my boy. {Takes paper.) Keep the 
change. 

{Disappears reading the paper. Newsboy disappears 
away out of hearing. Lillian has pantomime 
scene; laughing first at the little scene, then listen- 
ing to the Newsboy; suddenly thinks; starts — goes 
to paper — picks it up — reads it — rushes to safe, takes 
out the package — rattles it — refers to the paper 
again — suddenly realises it is the tiara; stands 
aghast. Enter George Hemmings. Lillian turns 
quickly, sees him; tries to hide the package under 
her apron, then under the table. Finally puts it be- 
hind her and stands half turned away from Hem- 
mings.) 

Hemmings. I beg your pardon. {Sees her, looks at 
her in amazement ; holds the situation for a moment; 
then in a tone of exultation.) It is! the burglar! {Holds 
the situation eagerly and tenderly.) What are you do- 
ing here? 

Lillian. I'm the girl in waiting, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings {astonished). Yon know mtl 

Lillian. Yes, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings. Who are you ? 

Lillian. Miss Brown, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings {takes out letter). You? It was you 
who wrote to me? 

Lillian. Yes, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings. Oh! {Mysteriously.) Do you know 
you're in great danger? 

Lillian. No, Mr. Hemmings. Am I? 

Hemmings. Yes — great danger. I heard you men- 
tioned just now as being suspected of complicity in the 
robbery of Mrs. Witherspoon's tiara. 



6l THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian (looking down at tiara, hides 'it behind her 
more securely). Oh, Mr. Hemmings, did you? 

Hemmings. I have been discussing the robbery with 
a Scotland Yard detective. (Takes out card and reads.) 
" Mr. Alan Barker." 

Lillian. Ha, ha ! I've got one of those. 

Hemmings (in mysterious undertone). He men- 
tioned your name. 

Lillian. Did he ? " Miss Brown ? " Mr. Hemmings ? 

Hemmings. I didn't connect it with 

Lillian. — the Seamore Place burglar? 

Hemmings (checking her). Sssh! If any one heard 
you ! How can you talk about that dreadful incident in 
that way? 

Lillian. How do you want me to talk about it, Mr. 
Hemmings ? 

Hemmings (stretching out both hands imploringly). 
Don't you owe me something ? 

Lillian. Not that I'm aware of, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings. Not merely for using me as a tool, but 
for endangering my reputation and my liberty ? 

Lillian. I didn't ask you to break into Mrs. Wither- 
spoon's house. 

Hemmings (checking her). Sssh! (Undertone.) 
You didn't ask me, but you allowed me to ! 

Lillian. If you wished to do it as a matter of exer- 
cise just to prove you could do it, why should I stop you? 

Hemmings. You gave me to understand that you 
lived there. 

Lillian. On the contrary, you quite mi.yunderstood 
me. 

Hemmings. What were you doing there? 

Lillian. Taking shelter from the rain. 

Hemmings. What? (Earnestly and mysteriously.) 
Make a friend of me. Tell me the truth and I'll stand 
by you. 

Lillian. I*m telling you the truth, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings. There is one class of people I want to 
give my life to — thieves. Criminals of all kinds ! Those 
who have broken the laws of society and are paying for 
it. Oh ! how often has it been just through necessity, or 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 63 

through no fault of their own, or else wilfully misled. 
That must be your case. You are not a natural thief ! 

Lillian {regretfully). Aren't I? Why not, Mr, 
Hemmings ? 

Hemmings. In manner and appearance you would 
quite deceive me. You look nearly a lady ! 

Lillian. Oh, really, Mr. Hemmings? 

Hemmings. — and almost honest. 

Lillian. Oh, no, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings {examining her critically). Yes, almost 
honest. Eyes steady and wide apart, nostrils sensitive. 
The mouth and the hands are the only telltale evidences 
against you. 

Lillian {first covers her mouth then looks at her 
hand). Is it the hand of a pickpocket? 

Hemmings. Supple and sinewy — yes, it could be 
easily. Your mouth resolute and determined. Nothing 
could hold you back once you made up your mind to do 
a thing. 

Lillian. You're a wonderful observer, Mr. Hem- 
mings. 

Hemmings {suddenly). Give it up. 

Lillian {hacks away to table r., starts, screams, grips 
the package). Givew/^fl^up? 

Hemmings. This terrible Hfe you're leading. 

{Goes a step or two r.) 

Lillian {ivith a great sigh of relief) . Oh ! 

Hemmings. Let me help you. 

Lillian {glancing behind her at the package). Oh, 
if only you coidd, Air. Hemmings. 

Hemmings. Will you let me try? 

Lillian {about to consent. Loughs). Ha, ha! 
{Sudden change.) I let you help me once, and you got 
arrested. 

Hemmings. Please ! Don't jest at this crisis in both 
our lives. Don't ! Let me try to save you. 

Lillian. All right, I'd like to be saved by you, Mr. 
Hemmings. 

Hemmings. Would you? 



64 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian. Yes. 

Hem MINGS. All my life Fve dreamed of reclaiming 
the criminal. Now I want to wake into action. I want 
to begin with you. I like you. Because you're a thief. 
As you stand there it almost seems as if you might have 
a soul ! Let me take you by the hand and lead you into 
the light. Let me be your real helpmate. I can't ana- 
lyze my feeling toward you but if it be love then in all 
honesty I say, / love you! 

(Hesitates before saying, "/ — love — you/') 

Lillian. Yes, but why hesitate about it, Mr. Hem- 
mings ? 

Hemmings (determinedly) . I love you. We'll begin 
to-morrow ! 

Lillian. That's better. Where ? 

Hemmings. You drive or ride in the afternoon. IVe 
heard about it. Mr. — the detective told me. 

Lillian. Ha ! the detective, the undertaker ! 

Hemmings. To-morrow go alone. Meet me at the 
foot of Abinger Lane. Will you ? 

Lillian (her eyes dancing with mischief). I'd love to. 

Hemmings. Would you? 

Lillian. Yes. 

Hemmings. At three o'clock? 

Lillian. At three o'clock. 

Hemmings. Abinger Lane? 

Lillian. Abinger Lane. 

Hemmings. At the foot? 

Lillian. At the foot ! 

Hemmings. Oh! At last Fve found you! (Mrs. 
Hemmings appears.) It seems as if a new life were 
opening out for both of us. (Enter Mrs. Hemmings, c, 
crosses to c.) I feel as if some voice were calling 

Mrs. Hemmings (angrily stands in open door). 
George ! 

Hemmings (starts, shrinks into himself, meekly). Yes, 
mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Come with me. 

(Goes outside door.) 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 6^ 



Hemmings. Yes, mother. (Goes up c. steps, in whis- 
per to Lillian.) To-morrow afternoon! 

Mrs. Hemmings (loudly). At once! 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. (Turning up to c. doors, 
turning to Lillian.) I'll come back. 

Mrs. Hemmings. George! (Goes out of sight.) 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. (To Lillian.) I love 
you! 

Mrs. Hemmings (off stage). George! 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. 

(Hurries after her. Lillian looks after them and 
laughs, looks at package. Mqnte and Bland heard 
talking off. Lillian hurries over to safe, puts the 
package in, picks hat up off desk and goes out just 
as Monte and Bland enter talking. Bland starts 
to follow Lillian stealthily.) 

Monte. Come here. What are you creeping about 
like that for? (Crosses over to table r. Bland follows 
him.) Now then, let me settle this little business nice 
and cozy. Have you got the spondulicks ? 

(Sits R. of table r. c.) 

Bland. Easy's the word, my boy. (Sits l. of table c.) 

Monte. Easy it is, but have you got the money in 
your pocket ? 

Bland. I don't carry three hundred pounds around 
with me. 

Monte. Where is it, my noble hearted scoundrel ? 

Bland. Round at my lodgings and not so much 
" scoundrel,** see ? 

Monte. Right, my honest, worthy friend. You're a 
splendid fellow. Bland. 

Bland. That's better. 

Monte. I'll drop in on you to-night, smoke the pipe 
of peace and collect the currency. 

Bland (undertone) . Why not wait until we've sold 
the tiara and split it up even ? 

Monte. Because, my genial rascal 

Bland. Now, look here 



66 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Monte. — my gallant and handsome gentleman 

Bland. Here, that's better. 

Monte. — because I need the three hundred on the 
nail. Take me? (Lillian enters.) Right on the nail. 
If I didn't I wouldn't have stooped so low as to pinch my 
dear mother's only tiara and put it in the hands of a 
damned 

(Lillian brings their orders on a tray, crosses to l. r. 
Followed by Amy who fixes bills on file.) 

Bland. Shut up ! 

(Lillian puts the things befofe them on the table. 
Bland looking at her with coarse admiration.) 

Monte {looking at her and still astonished at the re- 
semblance). God bless my soul! Never saw anything 
like it in my Hfe. As like as two peas in a pod! {To 
Lillian.) Are you quite sure you're not Turner? 

Lillian. Brown. 

Monte. You know best. 

{Handing her money. Lillian starts to go. Amy 
comes to front of desk.) 

Bland. Here! Miss! {Hands her money.) For 
yourself! and don't forget Sunday. (Lillian looks at 
him, then at the money; goes to Amy. Gives her first the 
money for the orders which Amy puts in the till, then 
puts the coin Bland gave her in Amy's hand and closes 
her little fist on it — all the time looking at Bland; then 
exits, followed by Amy. Bland to Monte as Lillian 
goes to Amy.) A little bit of all right, eh? {After 
Lillian gives Amy the coin he jumps up.) Here, what 
are you doing? That was for yourself. See what she 
done with my money ? 

Monte. Sit down. 

Bland. Did ye see what she did? '{Sits again.) 
The 

Monte. Serve you jolly well right. Now, listen. You 
hold that tiara for a month or so and I'll buy it back and 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 67 

give you a cool hundred for yourself. Eh? Better still, 
keep it until I come of age — that is twenty-eight — and 
that's six months — and come into my own little bit, and 
ril give you double. I don't want the mater to lose it. 
It's been knockin' around the family for an awful long 
time. Will you hold it, old top ? 

Bland. All right. 

Monte. Word of honor? 

Bland. As a gentleman. 

Monte. Oh, you certainly are a splendid fellow, 
Bland; splendid. 

Bland. Where is it? In yer pocket? 

Monte. No — my honorable rogue — (Bland starts.) 
friend — when I heard a detective had been nosing about 
here I gave it to what you so expressively called — the 
" little bit of all right " to put in the safe for me. That's 
pretty smart of me, eh? (Monte points to safe.) 

Bland. What ? 

Monte. You'd never have thought of that. I told her 
the package contained photograph negatives — the poor 
innocent little dear. 

Bland (excitedly). Get it back. (Rises.) 

Monte. Course I will ! At the right moment. 

Bland (rises). Get it back now. Quick ! D'ye hear ! 
(Mopping his forehead.) BHme you make me creep all 
over. Trust that to a gal! Get it back quick. 

(Leans on table.) 

Monte. Now keep cool ! Keep cool ! 

Bland. You've got to get it some time. (Rapping 
table.) Get it now. Now! 

Monte. I say you know you mustn't order me about, 
you 

Bland (pleading). Vm not ordering of you. I'm 
just asking ye quiet-like — (Hands on shoidder.) get it 
away from that gal. 

Monte. Well, perhaps you're right. 

(Rising. Goes to r.) 
Bland. I know I'm right. Suppose she stole it? 



68 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

(Monte following Bland to c. door.y 

Monte. All right, 1*11 get it. But, you quite under- 
stand, I'm doing it entirely of my own accord. 
Bland. Of course ye are ! 

{Enter Lillian, takes off brooch when she sees 
Monte, puts it in her apron pocket, puts things on 
tray.) 

Monte. Here's the little dear. Hook it. Make your- 
self scarce. Outside with you and I'll bring it out to you. 

(Crosses to c. then hack to Lillian.) 

Bland. Right, my boy. (Steals mysteriously out.) 

[Exits L. 

Monte. Where is the package I gave you to take 
care of? 

Lillian. In the safe, sir. 

Monte. Will you kindly give it back to me ? 

Lillian. No, sir. 

Monte. What ? 

Lillian. As long as they're photographs of your 
mother I'll send it to her first. 

Monte. That would be a silly thing to do. 

(Back of table a.) 

Lillian. Why did you do it? 

Monte. Do what? 

Lillian. Steal your mother's tiara? 

Monte. I don't know what in the world you're talking 
about, 'pon my soul I don't. 

Lillian. Yes you do. They're not negatives in that 
package. No woman could possibly mistake the feel of a 
jeweller's case. This woman couldn't and begging your 
pardon, it's a jewel case. 

Monte. Don't talk rot. Give me the package. 

Lillian. No. I could not. (Crosses to r., picks up 
tray.) No, sir. 

Monte. But I insist. It's my property. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 69 

Lillian. It Is not. It's your mother's. And Vm 
going to send it to her first. (Crosses L. to entrance.) 
Monte. Give it to me ! 
Lillian (calls), Mrs. Watts, Mrs. Watts. 

(Rings bell. Lillian exits.) 

Moi^TE (stops). Oh! I say! Damn! (Hurries up 
to door c.) Bland! 

Bland (enters c. door hurrying in). Have you got it? 

Monte. No. She v^^on't give it up. 

Bland. What? 

Monte. Says she's going to send it back to my 
mother. 

Bland. You damn young fool to give it to her. 

Monte (hotly). Here, you keep a civil tongue in your 
head. (Warn Curtain) 

Bland. We've got to get it and quick. Where is it? 

Monte. In that safe. 

Bland. Blime I The door's open ! See if the street's 
empty. Go on ! Don't stand there. 

(Runs behind counter and looks off r. around the 
counter.) 

Monte (hurries to door, looks up and down the street, 
puts his head inside). Not a solitary soul in sight. 

Bland (excitedly at safe). Go outside — shut the door 
and give me the office if there's any one coming. Off 
with ye. (Monte goes out and keeps watch. Bland 
pulls things out of the safe. They drop noisily on the 
floor — finds the package. ) Got it ! 

(Runs around the counter and makes for the street. 
Lillian enters followed by Amy in time to see him 
take the package, rushes at him and seises him.) 

Lillian. Give me that package ! 

Bland (struggling). Don't be silly, Miss, five pounds 
for yourself, and keep your mouth shut. (Amy screams. 
To Amy.) Shut up, you little silly. 

Lillian. Call Mrs. Watts. (Still holding Bland.) 



70 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Amy (screaming as she runs off). Mrs. Watts ! Mrs. 
Watts ! 

(Enter Hemmings, Monte trying to stop him.) 

Hemmings. What's the matter? 
Lillian (breathlessly). That package! He's steal- 
ing it. 

(Hemmings comes down r., snatches it from Bland. 
Bland seizes him by the throat; they grip each other. 
Enter Monte.) 

Moi^TE (excitedly). The detective ! I'm off! 

(Runs away r.) 

Bland (re/^a^ym^ Hemmings), Oh Lord! I'm off. 

(Runs out after Monte.) 

Hemmings (looks at package in amazement). What 
is it? 

Lillian. Mrs. Witherspoon's tiara! 

Hemmings. What? If it were found on me! 
Here 

(Attempts to put it into Lillian's hands.) 

Lillian (breaking away from him). Take it away! 
I don't want it. 

(Enter Mrs. Hemmings from l.) 

Mrs. Hemmings (indignantly). George! 

Hemmings (turning, goes to her — forces the package 
into her hands). Mother as you value my happiness, 
guard that. 

(Mrs. Hemmings sinks into chair gripping the packet.) 
Lillian (laughs). Ha, ha! Mother's got it now! 

(Enter Mrs. Watts and Amy from r., Mi^s Jane- 
way and two young men, lastly Barker, who bumps 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 7 1 

into Miss Janeway and knocks packages on floor — 
comes down mysteriously, folds his arms and looks at 
Lillian.) 

(Moving picture: Mrs. Watts and Amy down to Lil- 
lian. Miss Janeway picking up parcels Barker 
knocks out of her hand as he comes down. Hem- 
MiNGS guarding his mother, his eyes on Lillian.) 



QUICK CURTAIN 



ACT III 

SCENE. — The same day. Mrs. Hemmings' draTving- 
room in her country house in Woollacomhe, Devonshire. 
Door up R. and door down l. French windows at hack 
opening on to garden. Sofa l., table and chairs r. c. 
Cabinet at back to R. of windows, with practical lock 
and key; handsome silver ornament on top of cabinet. 

{At the rise of the curtain Mrs. Hemmings enters l., 
comes to front of table l., an open letter in her hand. 
Enter Maid r. simultaneously.) 

Maid. Mr. Alan Barker. 

{Enter Alan Barker mysteriously ; turns and beckons; 
enter two Policemen ; he takes them up by the win- 
dows and whispers to them, then goes down to Mrs 
Hemmings.) 

Barker. Mrs. Hemmings, you sent for me. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Sent for you, who are you? 

Barker. I'm Alan Barker {Gives card.) You 

can keep that. Take it. {In mysterious undertone.) 
Have you got her? 

Mrs. Hemmings Miss Brown? 

Barker {checking her; glancing over her shoulder). 
Not so loud. Take care. She {Speaking to Po- 
licemen.) Turn around. 

{The Policemen turn their hacks.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. What's the matter? 

Barker {undertone). There's a reward offered for 
her. {Nods tozvard Policemen.) They don't know 
about it. ( Winks. ) See ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. No, I don't. 

Barker. I don't want 'em to know who they're ar- 
resting. I might have to split it up. 
72 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 



73 



Mrs. Hemmings. Split it up ? 

Barker. Yes, give a bit of it — the reward — see? Is 
she here? 

Mrs. Hemmings. No. I'll send for her after I've 
spoken to my son. When she does come I want you to 
be within call. 

Barker. I say, it'll be pretty good for Alan Barker 
arresting the daring female burglar down in a one-eyed 
place hke this, won't it? {As Barker is speaking Hem- 
mings enters. Looks in astonishment at the two Police- 
men.) You know I had a case where she used to pass 
bad money. It was on a Shrove Tuesday 

Mrs. Hemmings. That will do. Take them into the 
garden and wait until I call you. {Crosses to end of sofa.) 

Barker. Right! {Creeps up and whispers to Hem- 
mings.) Remember me? Alan Barker. 

(Barker takes out card.) 

Hemmings. I've got one, thank you. 

(Crosses down r. Barker puts finger on lips; beckons 
to Policemen. He creeps out into the garden; the 
two men tramp loudly out after him.) 

Barker. Right — Sssh! {Slapping each one on the 
shoulder. ) Get under the shrubs. ( Policemen making 
a noise.) Quiet! 

{They disappear in the garden through window r.) 

Hemmings. What are they doing here ? 

{Crosses up, puts hat on chair, up r., looks off, comes 
down, bewildered.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Never mind. George ! the truth. 
Hemmings. Yes, mother. 
Mrs. Hemmings. The truth. 
Hemmings. Yes, mother. 
Mrs. Hemmings. No prevarication. 
Hemmings. No, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. In what way are you connected 
with that creature? 



74 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Hemmings. What creature? 
Mrs. Hemmlngs. That Miss Brown. 
Hemmings. I'm not connected with her — yet, mother. 
Mrs. Hemmings. Not yet? 
Hemmings, No, mother. But I hope to be. 
Mrs. Hemmings. How? 
Hemmings. By marriage. 
Mrs. Hemmings. What? 
Hemmings. I love her. 
Mrs. Hemmings (aghast). A thief? 
Hemmings. Yes, mother. That's why I love her. 
Mrs. Hemmings. You dare tell me that ? 
Hemmings. Yes, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings (determined). Very well. Now I 
know what to do. Where did you get this tiara ? 

(Holding up the case that has now been unwrapped.) 

Hemmings (hesitatingly) . It came into my hands. 
Mrs. Hemmings. Of its own accord? 
Hemmings. No, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. How did it come into your hands ? 
Hemmings. Why, it just came — into my hands. 
Mrs. Hemmings (glancing scornfully at him). I'm 
going to get the truth out of you. 
Hemmings. Yes, mother. 
Mrs. Hemmings. Put it in that cabinet. 

{Goes to sofa l.) 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. 

(Takes case and goes to cabinet, puts it in.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Lock it and give me the key. 
(Crosses to front of sofa. Hemmings locks it and comes 
down c.) Give it to me. 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. 

{To back of sofa, gives her the key.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Look at me. 
Hemmings. Yes, mother. (Looks at her.) 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 75 

Mrs. Hemmings. Who put it in your hands? 

Hemmings (behind couch). Why, you see, a man 
was steaUng it from — well, he was steaHng it and I took 
it from him — and it came right into my hands. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Do you expect me to beHeve thatf 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Well, / don't (Sits.) 

Hemmings. Oh, mother, you must. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Must I? 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. You see, we've got it in 
there and we'll give it back to Mrs. Witherspoon and then 
everything will be all right. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Will it? 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. Quite all right. 

Mrs. Hemmings (scornfully). You wouldn't deceive 
a child. 

Hemmings. No, mother. I wouldn't try to. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Much less me. 

(Starts for alcove, turns and comes around to front of 
sofa, R. of Hemmings.) 

Hemmings. Much less you, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings (suddenly). Why were you under 
arrest a week ago? 

Hemmings. Mother! 

Mrs. Hemmings (holding up letter). Mrs. Cross saw 
you as she was driving home from a ball. 

Hemmings. Oh, how women love to make mischief. 

Mrs. Hemmings. She felt it was her duty. 

Hemmings. Every woman feels it's her duty to make 
mischief. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Why were you under arrest? 

Hemmings. I was just — under arrest. 

Mrs. Hemmings. For whatf 

Hemmings. They just took me — under arrest. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Who took you ? 

Hemmings. Two policemen. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Why? 

Hemmings. I suppose they thought they would — and 
they did. 



j6 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Mrs. Hemmings. You won't tell me? 

Hemmings (sits R. of Mrs. Hemmings). There's 
nothing to tell. They just took me — under arrest. 

Mrs. Hemmings. You won't tell your own mother. 

Hemmings. Faith in one's own son is a mother's 
rarest privilege. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Very well. I shall telegraph to Sir 
Charles Greville. 

Hemmings. The telegraph service is open to every 
one. 

Mrs. Hemmings (angrily). Don't you be flippant 
with me. 

Hemmings. No, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Where did you meet this Miss 
Brown f 

Hemmings. Where? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Don't repeat my questions. An- 
swer them. Where? 

Hemmings. In the street! 

Mrs. Hemmings. The street? 

Hemmings. Yes, mother, in the street. 

Mrs. Hemmings. When? 

Hemmings. One night. 

Mrs. Hemmings. One night? 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Who introduced you? 

Hemmings. I did. 

Mrs. Hemmings. What? 

Hemmings. Oh, it was all right. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Oh, was it? 

Hemmings. Oh, yes, it was quite all right. 

Mrs. Hemmings. What was she doing in the street — 
at night? 

Hemmings. She was sitting on a door-step. 

Mrs. Hemmings (laughs scornfully). A thief sitting 
on a door-step? 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. Lots of them do that. 

Mrs. Hemmings (scornfully). Do you expect me to 
believe that too? 

Hemmings. Yes, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Well, I don't. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING ^« 

Hemmings. Oh, mother, you must. You see it's 
true She was sitting on a door-step and we met, and, 
oh ! It was wonderful ! > ^^$ 

Mrs. Hemmings. What is she doing down here ? 

Hemmings. Waiting. 

Mrs. Hemmings. For what? 

Hemmings. Customers. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Did she follow you> 

Hemmings. No. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Did you follow her? 

Hemmings. No. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Then how did you meet^ 

Hemmings. In the tea-shop. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I don't believe one word you are 
saying. ^ ^ 

^^^Hemmings. Oh, mother! I never told a He in my 

Mrs. Hemmings. How dare you force that tiara into 
my hands r 

Hemmings. Well, / didn't want to be found with it 
1 knew no one would suspect you— so I just forced it into 
your hands. 

Mrs. Hemmings. You got it from her 
Hemmings. No, mother, oh, no 
Mrs. Hemmings. Yes, you did. Do you know what 
1 m going to do ? 

Hemmings. No, mother. 
Mrs. Hemmings. Send her to prison 
Hemmings. Oh, you mustn't do that. (Rising.) 
Mrs. Hemmings. She's a thief. 

Hemmings (enthusiastically). I know. But I love 
ner. 

Mrs. Hemmings (rising). What? 
Hemmings. Ever since we met on the door-step. 
Mrs^ Hemmings. You tell me you love a painted be- 
dizened thief f ^ y ^ 

Hemmings. She doesn't paint and she isn't bedizened 
and It s because she's a thief I love her. 

Mrs Hemmings. Oh, my poor wretched boy. Heaven 
has delivered this woman into my h?nds so that / mav 
dehver you from her. ^ 



78 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Hemmings. No, mother, so that you may deliver me 
to her — at the altar. When the time comes you must 
give me away. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I shall give her away — into the 
hands of those police officers. 

Hemmings. Oh, no, mother ! You must not ! 

(Enter Maid, r.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Send down to Mrs. Watts' tea-shop 
in High Street (Hemmings crosses up c. then hack 
to c. Gets hat off chair at l. of cabinet.) and ask her to 
be good (Crosses to l. of table r.) enough to send me the 
young woman known as Miss Brown. 

Hemmings (anxiously). Mother! 

Mrs. Hemmings. At once! 

Maid. Yes, madame. Mr. Witherspoon has called. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Show him in. [Exit Maid, r. 

Hemmings (comes down to c). Call her back ! Don't 
let her go. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I am going to make an example of 
her. Here — to teach you a lesson ; to bring you to your 
senses. (Crosses to him.) Remember, you're my son 
and I wouldn't sacrifice you for all the women in the 
world. 

Hemmings. You are about to sacrifice me. But I 
warn you. If you send her to prison I go as well. / 
love her. 

(Exit through windows. Barker appears — follows 
him stealthily; they speak and move slowly out of 
sight. Maid shows in Monte Witherspoon, r., and 
exits. Monte enters briskly and jauntily.) 

Monte (shakes hands with Mrs. Hemmings). Why, 
how do you do, my dear Mrs. Hemmings. (Sees a ring 
on her finger.) I say, what a beautiful thing. 

Mrs. Hemmings (takes his hand solemnly). Do you 
know, Mr. Witherspoon, the thought that is uppermost 
in my mind? 

Monte. Oh, no. Wait a minute. Let me guess. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 79 

'(Thinks; laughs. Pause.) No. It couldn't be that. 
Whatf 

Mrs. Hemmings. How grateful your mother should 
be. 

Monte. Grateful? God bless my soul. Not a bit of 
it. {Both at c.) She's the most ungrateful mother in 
the world. Doesn't appreciate me at all. Believe me. 

Mrs. Hemmings. At least you don't associate with 
thieves. 

Monte (starts; chuckles feebly). God bless my soul, 
no. Why should I ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. My son does. 

Monte. Does he, really? What a rum chap. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Sit down. 

(Monte crosses. Mrs. Hemmings follows and sits l. 
of table R.) 

Monte. Thank you. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Sit down. (He does so r. of table 
R. with alacrity.) Your mother's tiara has been found. 

Monte. So I heard — bless the little darhng. Where 
was she hiding? 

Mrs. Hemmings. My son found it. 

Monte. That was pretty smart of him. How? 

Mrs. Hemmings. In the hands of a young woman. 

Monte. A young woman ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. At the tea-shop. 

Monte. Oh, Miss Brown? 

Mrs. Hemmings. You know her? 

Monte. Bless my soul, yes. 

Mrs. Hemmings {mysteriously). The tiara was stolen 
the day after she came here. {Pause.) Do you see? 

Monte. See? No. Whatf 

Mrs. Hemmings. Miss Brown arrives, the tiara dis- 
appears. 

Monte. Yes, go on. You've got me all strung up. 

Mrs. Hemmings. She's a thief, 

Monte. You don't say so. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I do say so. George knows she is. 
(In a hoarse whisper.) It was she who stole the tiara. 



8b THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Monte. No? Really? Good Lord! (To Mrs. 
Hemmings.) How did you find all this out? 

Mrs. Hemmings. George found it out. And to save 
her from arrest passed the tiara to me. 

Monte. Good old George. Bless him. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I am going to give her into custody 
here. 

Monte. I say, v^hat for? 

Mrs. Hemmings. As a common thief. 

Monte. Oh! I say, you know^, I v^ouldn't do that. 
She seems a nice sort of girl. Just like a girl I knov^r in 
London. {Sits again.) Extraordinary likeness. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I see. A pretty face, even though 
it be evil, blinds you. 

Monte. Oh, tut, tut ! She's 

Mrs. Hemmings. She made a victim of you as well 
as my son. 

Monte. No woman shall ever do that, Mrs. Hem- 
mings. I'm much too old a bird. 

Mrs. Hemmings. She probably found out all about 
the tiara from you and stole it afterwards^ 

Monte {undertone). By George, there's something 
in that. {To Mrs. Hemmings.) But I say, you know 
now that we have the tiara back again nice and cozy, why 
not let the whole thing drop, eh? 

Mrs. Hemmings. She must be punished. 

Monte. Right-o. Punish her by all means, but why 
not do it yourself, my dear Mrs. Hemmings? A lady 
with your talent for punishment can do it much more 
effectually than the police can. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I should love to punish her. But 
how? 

Monte. Oh, just talk to her. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Talk to her? 

Monte. Certainly. That would be the acutest refine- 
ment of punishment. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Do you think / could influence her ? 

Monte. Quite sure you could. Why, youVe in- 
fluenced me already. 

Mrs. Hemmings {rises). Mr. Witherspoon. 

Monte. Mrs. Hemmings. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 8 1 

Mrs. Hemmings (takes his hand). I am sure your 
mother doesn't appreciate you. 

Monte (rises). You can bet on that. 

Mrs. Hemmings. She doesn't understand you. 

Monte. Not in the least. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I'm beginning to. (Crosses to c.) 

Monte. Are you, really? That's awfully jolly of 
you. 

Mrs. Hemmings. If only George were Hke you! 

Monte. Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't say that. 

Mrs. Hemmings. With such faith in your elders! 
Such — such (Sobs and crosses to l. c.) 

Monte. Oh, I say, you know, don't do that. 

Mrs. Hemmings. You don't know a mother's feel- 
ings. 

Monte. No, you're quite right, I don't. That's not 
the only advantage you have over me. Still, don't cry, 
please. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Mr. Witherspoon, you will take 
your mother the tiara. (Sits chair l. of table R.) 

Monte (eagerly). At once, bless it. Where is it? 

Mrs. Hemmings. In that cabinet. Here's the key. 

(Mrs. Hemmings must not see Monte open cabinet.) 

Monte (taking it). Thank you. (Going up.) This 
is jolly. All locked up in there, eh, nice and snug. 
(Mrs. Hemmings rises.) I'm so glad I called. Oh, wait 
a moment, have you — (Sees a valuable silver ornament 
on the top of the cabinet, looks at it, takes it up.) seen 
this? I say, what a stunner! (Comes down a little c.) 

Mrs. Hemmings (looks up between sobs). It was 
my poor husband's. 

Monte. What a beauty. I suppose you couldn't 
spare it for a day or two, could you? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Spare it? 

Monte. No, no, of course not. (Going back and re- 
placing it on cabinet.) It is a beauty. I hate to see 
things like this idling their time away in a home. (Opens 
cabinet, takes out case, comes down to c. humming a tune, 
opens it — takes out tiara, looks at Mrs. Hemmings. Her 



82 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

back is still turned to him. Shows in pantomime what is 
passing through his mind, slips it under his coat; chuckles^ 
creeps hack.) I say, did you say it was in this cabinet? 
Up here? IVe looked all around. {Ad lib.) And I 

can't 

Mrs. Hemmings. Certainly. Yes, in the cabinet. 

{Looking around.) 

Monte. There's nothing here that looks like a tiara. 
Mrs. Hemmings. What? 

(Jumps up and hurries to the cabinet.) 

Monte. Oh, I dare say you'll run across it bye and 
bye. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Mr. Witherspoon. 

Monte. Mrs. Hemmings 

Mrs. Hemmings. My son put it in there himself. 
Monte. Really. Funny it isn't there now. 

{Both come down to c. to above tables.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Some one has taken it. 
Monte. Oh, no. I wonder who it was. 
Mrs. Hemmings {seizes him by the wrist). I know 
who it was. 

Monte. God bless my soul ! Do you ? 

{Alarmed, feeling package under his coat.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. My son \ 

Monte {relieved). NoF 

Mrs. Hemmings {mysteriously). My son is a thief. 

Monte. I wouldn't say that 

Mrs. Hemmings {down a step or two). But I'll get 
it back for you ! I'll get it back 

Monte. But really, you know, my dear Mrs. Hem- 
mings 

Mrs. Hemmings. Not a word of this to any one. 

Monte. Not a syllable, believe me. (Hemmings en- 
ters c. and comes down l. Monte steps hack to L. in 
front of couch). Oh, how are you, Hemmings? 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 83 

(Hemmings nods, goes quickly down u, puts hat on 
table L., stands in front of sofa, mopping himself 
with handkerchief. ) 

Mrs. Hemmings (at c, seises Monte by the wrist — 
in a whisper). Look! There's the real thief! Leave 
me alone with him. 

Monte (whispers). Right! 

Mrs. Hemmings {whispers). I'll get the tiara back 
for you. 

Monte {whispers). Don't worry about it the least 
little bit. It doesn't matter. Believe me. We'll pick up 
another one somewhere. Hush, not a word. Good-bye. 
So glad I called. Look in again sometime. Bye! {Goes 
up gradually at each word, sees the vase again. Busi- 
ness.) God bless my soul, I hate to leave that there. 

[Exit R. 

Mrs. Hemmings {down at chair r. c). Now, George, 
where have you been ? 

Hemmings {to her). To Mrs. Watts' tea-shop to 
warn her. She wasn't there. I ran all the way back. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Indeed? Where is it? 

Hemmings. Where's what? 

Mrs. Hemmings. The tiara? 

Hemmings. In that cabinet. 

Mrs. Hemmings. No, it isn't. 

(Crosses to front of chair r. of table l.) 

Hemmings. It isn't? {Goes to the cabinet.) Why, 
I put it in there. {Opening door of cabinet.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. No, you didn't. 

Hemmings {coming down c). I beg your pardon, I 
did. You saw me. 

Mrs. Hemmings. When my back was turned you 
took it ! 

Hemmings. Don't be ridiculous. 

{Comes back to Mrs. Hemmings.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. For that woman. 
Hemmings. Don't be absurd. 



84 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Mrs. Hemmings. Give it back to me — now, 
Hemmings. Mother, you've let this wretched busi- 
ness prey on your mind. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Give it back to me. 
Hemmings. I tell you I haven't got it. 

{Enter Maid, r.) 

Maid. Miss Brown. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Bring Miss Brown here at once. 
She has the true effrontery of a criminal. She dares to 
come here. {Exit Maid, r.) She Httle knows she is 
walking into a trap ! 

Hemmings. A trap? 

Mrs. Hemmings {pointing to garden). They are wait- 
ing for her. She shall be arrested under your very eyes. 

Hemmings. Mother! Isn't she a woman like your- 
self? 

Mrs. Hemmings {to front of sofa). No. She is not 
like me. I'm not vile. 

Hemmings {hotly). Nor is 

{Enter Maid, r.) 

Maid. Miss Brown. {Enter Lillian.) 

[Exit Maid, r. 

Lillian {coming down energetically and beaming 
with the spirit of adventure. She crosses in front of 
Hemmings to l. Hemmings swings down r. to side of 
chair l. of table R.). How de do ? {Comes to c) You ! 

{To Hemmings.) 

Hemmings {solemnly). My mother— Miss Brown. 

Lillian {goes to Mrs. Hemmings). I'm dehghted to 
meet you. {Pause.) Dehghted. {Shakes hands with 
herself — pause.) I see it's mutual ! You look tired and 
upset. So am I. Very tired, and most upset. I find 
waiting on customers very wearing. I'm really com- 
fortably tired. {Goes to sit on sofa. Mrs. Hemmings 
moves so that she cannot sit down. Lillian turns to 
Hemmings.) I really would like to sit down. May I? 
(Hemmings springs forward and places chair at R. of 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 85 

table L. Mrs. Hemmings sits — pause after she sits, 
glances from one to other.) Pleasant little place Woolla- 
combe, isn't it? 

Mrs. Hemmings. I've sent for you, Miss 

Lillian. Brown! 

Mrs. Hemmings. Because I have a duty to perform. 

Lillian. A duty, Mrs. Hemmings? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Do you know what it is ? 

Lillian. No, Mrs. Hemmings. {To Hemmings.) 
Do you? 

Hemmings {anxiously). Sssh! 

Lillian {amazed). What? 

Hemmings {still more insistently) , Sssh! 

Lillian. What for? 

Hemmings. Sssh ! 

(Hemmings pantomimes her to he quiet. Lillian, to 
Mrs. Hemmings.) 

Lillian. What does he " ssh " me for ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. I've sent for you, Miss Brown, to 
come to a distinct understanding in regard to your rela- 
tions with my son. 

Lillian. Relations? I wasn't aware we had any. 
(To Hemmings.) Were you? (Hemmings />aM/owim^.y 
her to he quiet.) But 

Mrs. Hemmings. He has confessed. 

Lillian. Confessed? What have you confessed? 

{To Hemmings.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. His infatuation for you and the 
depth to which that infatuation has brought him. Look 
at him! (Lillian looks at Hemmings, turns hack to 
Mrs. Hemmings.) Look at him! 

Lillian. I did look. {Looks at Hemmings again.) 
I am looking. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Think what you've made of him* 

Lillian. Tve made of him ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Yes. You! 

Lillian. Me ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. He's a thief! 



86 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian. Oh! A thief? Is he really? (To Hem- 
MINGS.) Are you? 

Hemmings (anxiously). Sssh! 

Lillian. I won't " ssh ! " 

Mrs. Hemmings. This afternoon he forced into my 
hands the tiara that was stolen from Mrs. Witherspoon. 

Lillian. I know he did. (Laughs.) I saw him 
do it. 

Mrs. Hemmings. He got it from you. 

Lillian (laughing). Yes, he did 

Mrs. Hemmings (triumphantly). Ah! I knew it! 
When I threatened to hand it and you over to the police 
he desired to protect you. 

Lillian. Thank you, Mr. Hemmings. Such kind- 
ness of heart is as gratifying as it is rare. (To Mrs. 
Hemmings.) Isn't it? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Then he protested that you had en- 
snared his affections ! 

Hemmings. Why, mother ! 

Lillian. Ensnared f (Shivers.) That's disagree- 
able, Mrs. Hemmings. That's a very disagreeable word. 

Mrs. Hemmings. And in proof of his infatuation he 
has committed a crime for your sake. 

Lillian. A crime? Really? Did he? (To Hem- 
mings. ) Did you ? What did you do ? 

Hemmings (most anxiously) . Sssh! 

Lillian. I will not "ssh!" (To Mrs. Hemmings.) 
What has he done ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. He has stolen Mrs. Witherspoon's 
tiara from that cabinet. 

Lillian. Oh! (To Hemmings. Rises.) Why did 
you do that? (Hemmings begins to "ssh," Lillian 
breaking in quickly.) "Sssh." Ha! I said it first. I 
knew it was coming ! (Sits again.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Where the tiara is now you know 
best. 

Lillian. Indeed I do not. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Yes you do. (Rises.) 

Lillian. No, I don't. 

Hemmings. Mother ! 

Lillian. You " sssh " your mother's talking. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 87 

Mrs. Hemmings. He took it straight from this room 
to you. 

Lillian. He didn't. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Either you confess where it is and 
solemnly promise never to molest my son again or I shall 
hand you over to the authorities as a common thief. 

Lillian (rises all in amazement and looks from one 
to the other). Now, whose turn is it to speak? (Over 
to Mrs. Hemmings.) Go on, Mrs. Hemmings. I'm 
thoroughly enjoying it. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Your solemn promise and the tiara 
or I shall call in a detective. He's waiting out there. 

(Points to the garden.) 

Lillian. A detective? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Yes, a detective. 

Lillian (sees card in Mrs. Hemmings' hand). Not 
Alan Barker? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Yes, Alan Barker. 

Lillian (laughs). Ha, ha! 

Mrs. Hemmings. Now, woman, which is it to be ? 

Lillian. The solemn promise I give you readily. I 
hereby swear never to molest your son. 

Hemmings. Oh, no! 

Lillian (to Mrs. Hemmings). But as I haven't the 
slightest idea where the tiara is I see no alternative but 
to call in the detective. What is he disguised as this 
time? Do please call him in. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Very well, I will. 

(Starts for windows c.) 

Hemmings (crosses to c). Stop, mother! If you 
have Miss Brown arrested I go with her. When you 
accuse her you accuse me. I am just as guilty as she is. 
We're both members of the same gang ! 

(Lillian collapses in chair.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. George! 

Hemmings. Listen and judge. Criminals, as you 
know, have always interested me. I met this lady and 



88 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

her confederate — innocently, I admit — at first — still I 
surely became their accomplice. In doing that I identi- 
fied myself with what is known as the " Evening-Dress 
Gang." 

Mrs. Hemmings. Oh, no! 

Lillian (undertone, to Hemmings). Ha, ha! Gd 
on. You're perfectly splendid. Keep it up. 

Hemmings. You asked me just now why I was un- 
der arrest. Now I'll tell you the real reason. For 
breaking into Mrs. Witherspoon's house at her instiga- 
tion! (Indicating Lillian.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Breaking into Mrs. Witherspoon's 
house? Now stealing her tiara. Oh! Why has this 
come upon me? (Sits.) 

Lillian. Oh, no! That's not the idea at all. Why 
has this come upon mef 

Hemmings (crosses to Lillian). Mother, you 
daren't have her arrested. (Stands by her.) She and I 
are one! 

Lillian. I don't like to contradict you, but we're not. 

Hemmings. You can't punish one without the other. 

Lillian. But v/hy punish either? 

Hemmings. Sssh ! 

Lillian. Don't do that to me. 

Hemmings. I would have kept this from you, mother, 
if I could. But you compelled me to speak. It was my 
last resource. 

Mrs. Hemmings ( to Hemmings, rises). Will you 
give me your solemn promise that you will never hold 
any further communication with that creature? 

Hemmings. No ! I can't do that. 

Mrs. Hemmings. George ! 

Hemmings. I love her! (Lillian laughs.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Then take your place beside her — 
(Hemmings steps beside Lillian.) for I shall punish 
you both. I'll — I'll— oh, George, is this your final an- 
swer? 

Hemmings. Yes, absolutely final. (Moves a step to- 
ward c.) When our term of imprisonment is over — 
when we are free again — I shall ask her to be my wife. 

Mrs. Hemmings (furiously). I'd rather see you dead. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 89 

Stand beside her — (Lillian laughs. Hemmings stands 
beside Lillian.) I mean in the dock. 

Hemmings. I will. 

Lillian. You won't. In the dock? Never! 

Mrs. Hemmings. Pick the same oakum ! Tramp the 
same prison yard ! And when you come out you'll hate 
her. 

Hemmings. I love her now. (Mrs. Hemmings starts 
for the windows c.) Stop, mother. {Around l. of 
couch. Lillian crosses up c, watches her off. Up to 
her above couch.) Before you send us to a felon's doom 
give us a moment of farewell. While we're in prison we 
shall not be allowed to see each other,. Please, mother. 
It may be the last favor I'll ever ask you. 

Mrs. Hemmings {in tears). George! Won't you — 
even — now? 

Hemmings {opens door l. Stands l. door above it). 
Leave us, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Oh! Oh! (Hemmings goes to 
her. ) Don't touch me. Don't touch me ! 

(l. to R. c. Exit in hysterics, l. Hemmings watches 
her anxiously off, closes the door l. and moves to c.) 

Lillian {below couch, moves over to back of chair 
at L. of table r.). Will you kindly tell me the meaning 
of all this? 

Hemmings. It means that meeting you has awakened 
in me something of the feeling of the early martyrs. 

{Comes to side of chdir.) 

Lillian. Martyrs? 

{Coming to him from behind chair.) 

Hemmings. Yes. We had a martyr in our family 
once. He was burnt for his religion. You are my re- 
ligion. I am willing to be burnt. 

Lillian. But I haven't the slightest intention of al- 
lowing you to be burnt. 

Hemmings. If you go to prison / go too. 

Lillian. But I won't go to prison — even to oblige a 



90 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

martyr. (Laughs.) Ha, ha! Why in the world did 
you say ** we are both members of the same gang " ? 

(Imitating him.) 

Hemmings. To turn my mother's attack from you 
to me. 

Lillian. For so young a man you've developed some 
remarkably fine quahties, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings. My regard for you began in pity. It has 
developed into a love that fills my whole nature — in the 
last few minutes. 

Lillian. What a remarkably rapid growth. 

Hemmings. Your face has haunted me since that 
night. I see it now as it shone in the lamplight, as you 
were sitting there, contemplating a crime. 

Lillian (/flw^A^). Ha, ha! 

Hemmings. Please don't laugh at me. 

Lillian. I beg your pardon. 

Hemmings. And the thought has been with me since 
of the terrible hfe you were leading with your accom- 
plice and the beautiful one you might lead with me. To 
think that you are really a thief ! 

Lillian. But I'm not a thief. 

Hemmings. Please. I lied for you. 

Lillian. You did. 

Hemmings. I'd defend your character at the expense 
of my own. 

Lillian. That I believe the more I listen to you. 

Hemmings. Can any man do more for any woman? 

Lillian. I've never known any man to do so much. 
You certainly stand alone, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings (suddenly). Will you marry me? 

Lillian. Mr. Hemmings. 

(Crosses around him to front of chair L. of table c.) 

Hemmings. Please marry me! (Lillian makes 
gesture. Hemmings follows her over, crosses to r. of 
Lillian. Gesture.) Let us build the future together. 
I love you ! ( Lillian gives a little low, pleased laugh. ) 
Do you like me ? 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 9I 

Lillian. I'm beginning to. 

Hemmings. Oh ! Try ! 

Lillian. I am trying. 

Hemmings. Could you like me? (Lillian nods.) 
Ah, you could? 

Lillian. I do. 

Hemmings. Oh! 

Lillian. Do you know why? 

Hemmings. No, why? 

Lillian. Because you are so different from all the 
other men I've ever met. They've looked on life as a 
joke; treated things lightly. And I resented it. You 
don't treat life as a joke, do you? 

Hemmings. No. 

Lillian. And you don't think woman should be 
treated lightly? 

Hemmings. No. 

Lillian. I know you don't. And it seems such a 
pity. Don't you know, until we can laugh at life we can 
never really enjoy life? Don't you know that? 

Hemmings. No. 

Lillian. Time will teach it to you. And, perhaps, 
a woman. Perhaps / may. — And a woman should be 
protected ? 

Hemmings. Yes. 

Lillian. Ah ! I'd love to be protected. I've had to 
take care of myself. And I've wanted to be protected 
so much at times. And a woman should be taken seri- 
ously ? 

Hemmings. Yes! Yes! 

Lillian. I wish I could find some one to take me 
seriously. Men have laughed with me, played the fool 
with me, but they've never taken me seriously, — not in 
the way I wanted to be taken seriously. You would take 
me seriously, wouldn't you ? 

Hemmings. Yes! Yes! 

Lillian. And above all things a woman should be 
loved ? 

Hemmings. Yes. I love you. 

Lillian. Faults and all? 

Hemmings. Yes. 



92 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian. Because of my faults? 

Hemmings. No. Because you are 

Lillian. Because I'm a thief ? 

Hemmings. Because you are ;yow 

Lillian. Oh, I like you, Mr. Hemmings. 

Hemmings. It was fate threw us together on that 
door-step. 

Mrs. Hemmings {offstage), George! 

Lillian. Then let us take up in London what fate 
began there. 

Hemmings. Will you go to London? Then go to 
No. 3 Arlington Street — to my Uncle Charles Greville ! 

Lillian. Sir Charles Greville? 

Hemmings. I've told him about you. Written to him 
about you : now I'll telegraph him about you. He'll help 
you. Then with me you'll be able to start life afresh, 

Lillian. Oh, I like you more and more. 

Hemmings. Go there to-morrow morning. 

Lillian. To-morrow morning! 

Hemmings. At noon. 

Lillian. At noon ! 

Hemmings. It will be the dawn of a new life ! 

{Enter Mrs. Hemmings.) 

Lillian. A new life ! 

Hemmings. I love you! Go — go quickly. 

{Crosses up, then crosses down r.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Where is she going? 

Lillian. I'm going to London — to Sir Charles Gre- 
ville — to tell him the real story of my life and ask him to 
help me to begin a new one — with your son. 

{Pointing to Hemmings. Turns up quickly to win- 
dows. Enter Barker mysteriously. Beckons; enter 
the two Policemen.) 

Hemmings. Yes, with me. 

Mrs. Hemmings. Mr. Barker — arrest that woman. 

Lillian. What? Mr. Barker again? Ha! ha! 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 93 

(Barker moves down and takes out handcuffs.) Oh, and 
with the handcuffs. 

Barker. I shall want you to step around to the poHce 
station. 

Lillian. The police station? With pleasure. I've 
never seen the inside of a poHce station in all my life. 
I'd love to. Come along, Mr. Hemmings. {The Police- 
men a/ a signal from Barker step down each side of her. 
She looks from one to the other and for the first time they 
scare her. The two Policemen grab her wrist. Barker 
motions to them to take her away. Lillian breaking 
away from them, crosses to Mrs. Hemmings half laugh- 
ing and half crying.) Mrs. Hemmings, this is only a joke. 

Mrs. Hemmings. No, it isn't. 

Lillian. But I meant it as a joke. You don't really 
mean to have me arrested? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Certainly I do. 

Lillian. For what ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. For the robbery of Mrs. Wither- 
spoon's tiara. 

Lillian. I can explain that in two seconds. Mrs. 
Witherspoon's son 

Mrs. Hemmings. You can give your explanation in 
the proper place. In the PoHce Court. Mr. Barker, take 
that woman with you. 

Lillian {to Hemmings). Mr. Hemmings, please 
help me. 

{She starts to cross. Barker puts his hand on her 
shoulder. She breaks away from Barker and 
crosses to Hemmings.) 

Hemmings. I will. {Crosses to Mrs. Hemmings.) 
Mother, you mustn't do this. You daren't do this. 

Mrs. Hemmings {to Barker). Take her away. 

Hemmings. For my sake, mother. 

Mrs. Hemmings. It is for your sake I am doing this. 
To save you from her. 

{Again motions Barker to take her away.) 

Hemmings. You mean that? 



94 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Mrs. Hemmings. I do. 

Hemmings. Send this lady to prison? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Yes — she's a thief. 

Hemmings. Very well then. (To Lillian.) I know 
what to do. 

Lillian. Oh, thank you, Mr. Hemmings, I knew 
you'd find the way out of it. 

Hemmings. There is only one way. 

Lillian. What is it ? 

Hemmings. This: (To Barker.) Mr. Barker, if 
you take this lady to the police station, you must take me 
too. I am her accomplice. 

Lillian. Mr. Hemmings! 

Mrs. Hemmings. George! 

Hemmings. I love her. 

(Lillian collapses. Policemen come down, put a 
hand on each of their shoulders and march them 
away. Mrs. Hemmings collapses on sofa. Barker 
follows them with a look of triumph.) 



CURTAIN 



ACT IV 

SCENE. — The action passes in Sir Charles Greville's 
morning room, London. The following morning. 

(As curtain rises enter Sir Charles Greville. He 
stands just inside the door. Enter Lillian.) 

Lillian {coming dozvn). Poor little father! Mar- 
ried ! Oh ! {Shivers. ) 

Sir Charles. He stood the ordeal splendidly. Not a 
tremor. Made his responses firmly and was altogether 
admirable. It may be the making of him. Now, before 
they come here tell me all about my nephew. {Sits r.) 

Lillian. I wrote to you. 

Sir Charles. Your letter told me nothing I wished 
to know. I have also heard from my nephew. 

{Takes letter from pocket.) 

Lillian. His letters ought to have been interesting. 

Sir Charles. Foolish and hysterical. And no men- 
tion whatever of having met you. 

Lillian. That's strange. WeVe seen a good deal of 
each other. 

Sir Charles. What particularly astonishes and irri- 
tates me is that I gather from his letters that the female 
burglar who induced him to break into Mrs. Wither- 
spoon's house was by some remarkable coincidence one of 
the girls in waiting at your aunt's shop in Woollacombe; 

Lillian. Perfectly correct. She was! 

Sir Charles. What, you saw her ? 

Lillian. She was there whenever / was. 

Sir Charles. Was she? It's most annoying. I als6 
gather that he is very much infatuated with her. This is 
how he finishes his last letter. " I love her (Lillian 
laughs.) and I've asked her to marry me." 

Lillian. Quite correct. 

Sir Charles. It is, eh ? 

95 



96 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian. Absolutely. 

Sir Charles. And how do you know all this ? 

Lillian. Because Miss Brown, the female burglar, 
as you call her, the girl in waiting and myself are all 
one and the same person. 

Sir Charles (rising in astonishment). What? 

Lillian. It was I who permitted your nephew to 
break into Mrs. Witherspoon's house." 

Sir Charles. You ? What were you doing there ? 

Lillian. Sitting on the doorstep with my father. 

Sir Charles. With your father t 

Lillian. Yes, the night of the Maesmore Ball. 
Father was overcome, and father was asleep. 

Sir Charles. Oh, I see. (Laughs. Begins to un- 
derstand; a smile creeps across his features.) And my 
nephew ? 

Lillian. Annoyed me with suggestions and before I 
could stop him he broke into Mrs. Witherspoon's house. 

Sir Charles (looks at her a moment, then bursts into 
roars of laughter. Lillian joins him laughing). You're 
incorrigible. 

Lillian. So was he. 

Sir Charles. Tell me. Does he know who you are 
now? 

Lillian. No. He calls me " Miss Brown " one mo- 
ment, and the " Burglar " the next. You see I met him 
as " Miss Brown " and I took advantage of his dis- 
advantage to study his character. 

Sir Charles. And — what is his character? 

(Sitting down.) 

Lillian. Full of faults. Impulsive — no sense of 
humor — but on the whole — a dear ! 

Sir Charles. Oho ! Indeed ? 

Lillian. I think — I'm not sure — I think — if he were 
really grown up I'd — I'd marry him. 

Sir Charles (eagerly). Splendid! But why not 
marry him and superintend his growing up? 

Lillian. Because he's not the least little bit in love 
with me. 

Sir Charles. His letters imply that he is. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 97 

Lillian. Oh, no! Not with w^/ He's in love with 
*' Miss Brown, Burglar/* He wants to marry her so as 
to reform her. When he finds that there is no need of 
reformation, that she is really just plain " Miss Turner," 
his whole outlook will change. 

Sir Charles. Tell me frankly. Do you like him ? I 
mean — really ? 

Lillian. I think he's quite the manliest, most 
straightforward — most impetuous — most — well, anyway, 
I think he's nice! 

Sir Charles. I'm dehghted. Will you allow me to 
arrange things ? 

Lillian. I'll allow you to arrange anything. 

Sir Charles. Splendid. 

Lillian. But you have a very busy morning before 
you. They are all calling on you from Woollacombe. 

Sir Charles. What in the world for ? 

Lillian. Well, Mrs. Witherspoon — oh, how I love 
that name — Mrs. Witherspoon's tiara was stolen; then it 
was found — then it disappeared again in the most mi- 
raculous manner right under everybody's eyes. Mrs. 
Hemmings thinks her son has taken it 

Sir Charles. What nonsense ! 

Lillian. I am sure he thinks I've got it 

Sir Charles. Rubbish ! 

Lillian. And I haven't the faintest idea who's got it. 
But I've been arrested! 

Sir Charles (rises). What? 

Lillian. Yes. I've been arrested and taken to a real 
police station. But they wouldn't keep me because he 
didn't have a warrant. Fancy a warrant for me! They 
wouldn't even let me look into a cell. Oh, I was dis- 
gusted. 

Sir Charles. But who arrested you? 

Lillian. Wait a minute. (Brings out card from her 
pocket-book.) "Mr. Alan Barker." (Imitates him.) 
" You can keep that. Take it." 

Sir Charles (picks up card from table). I've got 
one. 

(Enter Parks, c. Sir Charles crosses up to corner.} 



98 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Parks. Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Turner. 

{Comes around to above chair at l. of table R. Enter 
Joshua Turner and Mrs. Witherspoon c. Exit 
Parks c. Mrs. Witherspoon crosses and sits on 
sofa. Lillian crosses to l. Turner comes down 
c LiLMAN crosses to him.) 

Turner {severely to Mrs. Witherspoon). Come in. 
Sit down. There. 

{Points to sofa, on which Mrs. Witherspoon meekly 
sits. ) 

Lillian {astonished). Why, father! 
Turner {meekly). Yes, my dear. 
Lillian. What does this mean? 

(Sir Charles comes down.) 

Turner {still meekly). You are surprised, eh? Well, 
we've come to a Httle understanding. A man must rule 
in his own house. If he doesn't there is no chance of 
happiness. {To Sir Charles.) Is there? 

Sir Charles. I've always heard so. But I'm only an 
onlooker. 

Turner. Well, you can take it from me there isn't. 
Very well. I made up my mind to be the master and 
/ am. {To Mrs. Witherspoon, loudly.) Georgiana, 
am I the master? 

Mrs. Witherspoon {meekly). Yes, Joshua. 

Lillian. And when did all this happen? 

Turner {meekly). An hour before the wedding. I 
said : " I shall be the master or there'll be no wedding." 

Mrs. Witherspoon. You took a very unfair advan- 
tage of me, Joshua. 

Turner {loudly). How dare you! Everything I do 
from now on shall be for your good. Remember that. If 
I seem harsh it will be entirely in your interest. There 
is, Sir Charles, one infallible rule that every husband 
should follow: " Spare the woman and spoil the wife." 
And you are my uuife, Georgiana, and I'm not going to 
spoil you. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 99 

Mrs. Witherspoon. No, Joshua. 

Lillian (hand on his shoulder), "No, Joshua," ha, 
ha! Bravo, father. 

Turner (in meek undertone to Lillian). I do hope 
I'll be able to keep it up. 

Lillian. You must! 

Turner {bracing himself), I will. {Severely to Mrs. 
Witherspoon.) As for your good-for-nothing son, 
{Enter Monte.) I'm going to rule him with a rod of 

iron. I'm going to make {Crosses to front of 

table R. Sir Charles crosses up to above chair at l. of 
table. Monte conies down c. Lillian crosses to table 
by Sir Charles. Turner finishing his sentence.) — him 
work. I'm going 

{Enter Parks, c.) 

Monte {comes do7vn gaily, slaps Turner vigorously 
on the back). Good luck, old top! You got through 
magnificently. 

Turner {angrily). How dare you? 

Monte. You've more pluck than I thought you had. 
Hasn't he, mater? 

Turner. I'll thank you in future to treat me with 
the respect due me as your father. 

Monte {digs him in the ribs). Right you are, papa. 
Oh, the worm has turned. 

Turner. Don't do that. When we return from our 
wedding trip I shall take your affairs in hand. 

Monte. Oh, I wish to goodness you would. / can't 
make head or tail of 'em myself. {In Turner's ear.) 
Before you go you might leave me a few blank checks, 
will you? 

Turner. I shall not do anything of the kind. Every 
action of yours shall be accounted for to me. 

Monte. Every little teeny one, Joshy. 

Turner. You are not to call me Joshy! I'm going to 
inquire minutely into your habits. Wherever you go / 
shall go as well. 

Monte {slapping him on the back). Good ! Splendid ! 
You're a rare old sport. We'll do London together. 



100 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Turner. Don't do that ! 

(Crosses to r. sofa, sits beside Mrs. Witherspoon. 
Monte crosses up to bookcase r. Lillian crosses 
to front of table l.) 

(Enter Mrs. Hemmings c.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. How do you do, Charles? 

(Crosses to c.) 

Sir Charles (bringing her down). My dear Caroline. 

Mrs. Hemmings (face to face with Lillian). You! 
(Crosses to l. c. Lillian crosses to l. of chair; turning 
in horror to Sir Charles.) So you've caught her? 

Sir Charles. I beg your pardon ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. That creature! 

(Pointing to Lillian.) 

Sir Charles. Permit me to introduce Miss Turner — 
this is my sister, Mrs. Hemmings. 

Lillian (smiling). How do you do, Mrs. Hemmings? 
We met before. (Shakes hands with herself.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Miss Turner? Yesterday she was 
" Miss Brown ! " Has she fooled you with the rest ? 

(To Sir Charles.) 

Sir Charles. My dear Caroline, she's fooled you. 
She's the daughter of that respectable looking gentleman 
over there, Mr. Joshua Turner, Member of Parliament 
for Chesham. 

Mrs. Hemmings (staring at Turner, then at Lil- 
lian.) What? You respectable? 

(Monte comes down to end of sofa.) 

Lillian. Alas, yes, as far as respectability goes ! 
Mrs. Hemmings. Your father a member of Parlia- 
ment? 

(Monte sits in chair r.) 
Lillian. Yes, poor man ! 



THE GIRL IN WAITING 10 1 

Mrs. Hemmings. And you are not connected with 
thieves ? 

Lillian. Only by inference. 

Mrs. Hemmings. But — do you mean to tell me there 
is nothing in the report about you in WooUacombe ? 

Lillian. Nothing — beyond the delicacy that prompts 
the question. 

Mrs. Hemmings. And I had you arrested ! 

Lillian. Ha, ha ! Yes, you had me arrested. 

(Sits in chair d. l.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Why, it's on your account that I've 
called here ! And Mrs. Witherspoon's tiara. 

(Monte looks away at the mention of the tiara. All 
become interested.) 

Sir Charles (brings chair from up above table l. and 
sits). I understood the tiara was found? 

Mrs. Hemmings. It was ! Then it disappeared again ! 

Sir Charles. Who had it last? 

Mrs. Hemmings. I did. (Sits.) 

Sir Charles. You ? Where did you get it ? 

Mrs. Hemmings (mith an effort). From my son! 

Sir Charles. And where did he get it ? 

Lillian. From me. 

Sir Charles. Really ? And where did you get it ? 

Lillian (looking slyly at Monte). From a customer ! 

Monte (starts; looks at Lillian). God bless my 
soul ! Miss Brown. Well, I'm 

(Points fist at Lillian.) 

Sir Charles. A customer? Who was the customer? 

Lillian (glances sideways at Monte). He'd never 
been in the shop before. 

Sir Charles. Have you seen him since ? 

Lillian (iinth another glance at the anxious Monte). 
Not to speak to. (Smiles.) 

Sir Charles. Would you know him again ? 

Lillian. Dear me, yes. Oh, yes, I'd know him 
again. 



I02 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Sir Charles. Why did you give it to Mn Hemmings ? 

Lillian. I didn't exactly give it to him. He took it 
(Turns to Mrs. Hemmings.) from a man who was steal- 
ing it. 

Sir Charles. Really, this gets more complicated 
every minute. (To Mrs. Hemmings.) After your son 
gave it into your charge what did you do ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. I gave it to him to place in a cab- 
inet and he locked it securely. When the cabinet was 
opened it was gone. 

Sir Charles. Has any one access to the cabinet but 
yourself ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. My son ! 

Sir Charles (purses his lips). H'm! Did you open 
the cabinet yourself? 

Mrs. Hemmings (thinks). No. I was too ill. 

Sir Charles. Who opened it ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Mr. Witherspoon. 

(Points to Monte. Sir Charles rises and stands c. 
All turn and look at Monte.) 

Lillian. Oho ! 

(Stands behind chair. Monte drops his eyes nervously 
to the ground and hums a comic-opera ballad. ) 

Sir Charles. So you opened the cabinet? 

Monte. What ? 

Sir Charles. So you opened the cabinet? 

Monte. Oh, yes. 

Sir Charles (rises; to Monte). And there was no 
tiara there? 

Monte (cheerily). God bless my soul, no. Not a 
glimmer of one. 

Sir Charles (suspicious of his manner — sternly). 
Were you alone when you opened the cabinet? 

Monte. Oh dear, no! Mrs. Hemmings was in the 
room as well. (To Mrs. Hemmings.) Weren't you? 

Sir Charles (to Mrs. Hemmings). Whereabouts 
were you in the room? 



THE GIRL IN WAITING IO3 

Mrs. Hemmings. I was sitting in a chair ill with 
worry, or I'd have got it myself. 

Sir Charles. Monte ! 

Monte. Sir Charles? 

Sir Charles. Monte, an innocent person mustn't suf- 
fer for this. 

Monte (jauntily). I should say not. 

Sir Charles My nephew is suspected of taking it. 
He didn't take it. Who did? 

Monte. Ah ! There you are, you see. Who did it ? 
That's what we want to get at. 

Sir Charles. How much are you in debt ? 

Monte. Not a single soHtary cent. Everybody's paid 
nice and snug. 

Sir Charles. Indeed ? Where did you get the money 
to pay them ? 

Monte. Oh, I just got it. 

Sir Charles. From whom? 

Monte (rising). From — oh, here, I say, you know 
you mustn't ask me all these questions. I won't have it. 
It's all rot. Mother, Joshy — let's go. 

Turner. Joshy ! How dare you ? 

Sir Charles. Come, come, we're all friends here. 
You've borrowed things before from your mother and 
put them back. Did you borrow the tiara? Eh? Did 
you? Don't let others be suspected if you did. (Monte 
turns his back on him. ) Speak up frankly. Did you ? 

Monte. Well, you see 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Monte, did you? 

Monte. Now you start. Look here, you get me in a 
corner and all question me and, well, it's no use trying. 
I never could tell a really good lie and not get caught at 
it. Hands up ! (Holds up his right hand.) I took it. 

(Sir Charles crosses up and leans on chair.) 

Mrs. Witherspoon (rises). Whatl You stole my 
tiara? Well! (Sinks back again.) 

(All rise except Lillian.) 

Mrs. Hemmings (rises). You stole it? And I 
thought George did ! 



104. THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Lillian. And you thought / did too. Ha, ha ! 

Monte (rises). Well, you see it was Hke this. — I 
needed three hundred and by a bit of good luck, mater, 
you brought the lovely jewel along to Woollacombe and 
I just borrowed it. But I only parted with it on the 
condition that I could buy it back when I came of age — 
twenty-eight — in six months. 

Mrs. Witherspoon (controlling a very evident emo- 
tion).. You sold it? 

Monte. Last night, dear mother. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. For how much? 

Monte. Three hundred pounds ! 

Mrs. Witherspoon (tries to breathe freely, she 
stifles). Three hundred pounds! Oh! 

(She seems to be on the verge of apoplexy.) 

Monte. Don't make a fuss, mother. I'll buy it back, 
honor bright. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Three hundred pounds ! (Rises.) 
It is not worth as many pence! It's paste! 

(Monte turns back to audience. All rise. Sir 
Charles puts chair back and talks to Mrs. Hem- 
MiNGS. Sir Charles leans on chair up l.) 

Sir Charles. What? 

Lillian. Paste! Ha, ha! 

Mrs. Witherspoon (after an attack of uncontrollable 
laughter). Monte, don't you dare to buy it back, or I'll 
never (Sits again.) speak to you again. I've hated the 
sight of it for years ! The real tiara was sold many years 
ago and its copy left in paste. I dislike wearing a sham, 
but if I didn't wear it every one asked about it. Monte, 
you have the (Hand on Monte's shoulder.) makings of a 
great financier in you ! You'll succeed, my boy ! 

Turner (to Mrs. Witherspoon). Georgiana, come 
here. (Mrs. Witherspoon crosses to Turner.) This 
is a nice family I've married into. Your son a thief — 
and the tiara paste. Are all the jewels you've shown me 
paste too? 

Mrs. Witherspoon (meekly). No, Joshua. I've two 



THE GIRL IN WAITING I05 

gold chains and a Maltese brooch that are perfectly 
genuine. 

(Turner crosses to Sir Charles, l.) 

Monte. I say, mater, no wonder I couldn't get much 
on your jewelry. (Sits on arm of sofa.) 

(Turner crosses to Monte. Mrs. Witherspoon 
crosses to Sir Charles. Enter Parks, c.) 

Parks. Mr. Alan Barker. 

{All rise and every one produces a card.) 

All. Oh! 

{Enter Barker, crosses down to Mrs. Witherspoon, 
R. Parks exits c.) 

Barker (mysteriously). Excuse me troubling you, 
Mrs. Witherspoon, I've found the tiara. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. What ! You've found the tiara ? 

Barker. Yes, and I can get it back on condition that 
the man's name isn't mentioned who's got it. He'll let 
you have it for six hundred pounds. 

Mrs. Witherspoon. He can keep it. 

Barker. What! He can keep it? You don't mean 
that? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. I do. 

Barker. Oh, I am sorry. I've worked very hard on 
this case. Is that final? 

Mrs. Witherspoon. Absolutely final. 

Barker (comes down). Well, better luck next time. 
I tell you what I'll do, I'll put him under lock and 
(Starts up.) key and perhaps I'll get it back for nothing. 
Good-morning. Oh, by the way, if any of you ever want 
a little private detective work done (Getting out case.) 
this address will always find me. "Sure — quiet and 
cheap!" 

All. We all have one. 

Barker. Oh, very well, you can keep them. Grood- 
morning. (Exits c, mysteriously. Before Barker exits 



I06 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

he gives a card to the butler.) You can keep that. 
Take it. 

TvRi^ER (severely) . Come, Georgiana ! (To Lillian, 
meekly,) See you at the station, dear? 

{All start up except Monte, who crosses to Lillian. 
Turner, Mrs. Witherspoon, Sir Charles, and 
Mrs. Hemmings move up c. talking. Monte crosses 
to Lillian.) 

Monte. I say, you're a wonder! You quite fooled 
me. 

Lillian {smiling). Did I? Are you sure your 
mother married her father ? 

Monte. Had me fairly rattled. It was awfully decent 
of you not to give me away. Now I'll tell you one 
thing — all that kind of stuff is over — over and done with. 

Lillian. I'm glad. 

Monte. For the first time in my life I feel really 
ashamed — almost. You've done that. 

Lillian. Have I? 

Monte. By George, you have. I'm going to run 
along the narrow and thorny path in future. I'm going 
to try to be worthy to be your stepbrother. Will you 
shake hands ? 

Lillian. Why, of course I will. There. 

(Holds out her hand.) 

Monte. Thank ye. You're a brick. And I've been 
a rotter. But no more! 

Turner (severely). Montague! 

Monte. Coming, Joshy. (Turns toward Lillian.) 

Turner. Joshy ! How dare you ! 

Lillian. Good-bye and good luck. 

Monte. Oh, thank you so much. (Sir Charles 
opens door c. as Monte starts to take pin from Mrs. 
Hemmings.) Oh, wait a moment. Oh, I beg your 
pardon. (The three go out talking, leaving the door 
open. Monte, to Mrs. Hemmings.) Good-bye, dear 
Mrs. Hemmings. (Holding out his hand.) 



THE GIRL IN WAITING IO7 

Mrs. Hemmings. Don't touch me! You'll come to 
a bad end. 

Monte. That's what the mater says. I wonder if I 
will. 

(Sings as he goes up c. and out. Lillian sidles up 
toward Mrs. Hemmings smilingly. As Mrs. Hem- 
mings turns she stops and assumes a serious expres- 
sion. ) 

Mrs. Hemmings. And to think I suspected George. 

Lillian. You suspected me too. {Sits in chair.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. How did he ever get the idea that 
you were a thief ? 

Lillian. Just ask him. It's a very long story. 

Mrs. Hemmings. But he still thinks you're one. 

Lillian. That's the dehghtful part of it! 

Mrs. Hemmings. Oh, what a mess I've made of 
everything ! 

Lillian. That always happens when old people in- 
terfere with young people's affairs. 

Mrs. Hemmings. What a fool I've made of myself. 

Lillian. Yes. (Rises.) No. The thing you've got 
to avoid is your son making a fool of himself. You 
ought to be very proud of him. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I am. 

Lillian. He has some splendid qualities. 

Mrs. Hemmings. I know he has. 

Lillian. Why don't you teach him there is a light 
side of Hfe as well as a serious one? 

Mrs. Hemmings (doubt f idly) . I don't think I could. 

Lillian (looks at her for a moment). No! I don't 
think you could. Ha, ha ! I think / could. 

Mrs. Hemmings (sudden thought). Good heavens! 
He swore yesterday he'd marry no one but you — that he 
would go to prison either with you or for you ! 

Lillian. Exactly. That's the idea of a nice com- 
fortable honeymoon — in prison with his bride. 

Mrs. Hemmings. But would you 

Lillian. Go to prison ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. — marry him? 

Lillian. What nonsense ! 



I08 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Mrs. Hemmings. I'm glad. 

Lillian. Oh ! Are you ? 

Mrs. Hemmings. You're too flighty! 

Lillian (rises). Why, twenty-three hours out of the 
twenty-four I'm the saddest, most serious person in the 
world. Of course, if he happened to meet me in that 
other hour, ha, ha ! 

Mrs. Hemmings. Please don't marry him! 

Lillian. I've not the slightest intention of marrying 
him just now. (Comes down a step or two c.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. Thank you ! And yet, in a way, I 
like you. 

Lillian. That's nice of you ! But you'd always feel 
that I was " Miss Brown." 

Mrs. Hemmings. I'm afraid so. 

Lillian. And you'd count the spoons night and 
morning, wouldn't you? 

Mrs. Hemmings. Oh, no. 

(Enter Sir Charles hurriedly.) 

Sir Charles. Caroline. Miss Turner! (Opens door 
1.) In here quickly! 

Mrs. Hemmings. Why? 

Sir Charles. Go in there at once — please. (Mrs. 
Hemmings exits l. protestingly.) Now then. Miss 
Turner. 

Lillian. Oh, no, I don't want to see the mother. I 
w^ant to see the son. 

Sir Charles. Afterward. In there, please. 

Lillian. What ! In there ? 

Sir Charles. Yes. 

Lillian. Both of us in the same room ? Ha, ha ! 

Sir Charles. Yes. (Lillian exits l. Enter Hem- 
mings, l., energetically. He is very serious, gloomy and 
with the manner of a man who has made a fixed resolve 
and is going to carry it through at any cost. Sir 
Charles sternly.) Sit down. (Hemmings sinks into 
a chair l. of table R. Sir Charles stands up L. of 
Hemmings* chair.) Now then, out with it. 

Hemmings (se pule hr ally). The die is cast. 



THE GIRL IN WAITING IO9 

Sir Charles. What die? 

Hemmings. My future. 

Sir Charles. Who cast it ? 

Hemmings. Fate! It leads me to the aUar — and to 
>rison. 

Sir Charles. Please be a little more explicit. 

Hemmings. I have asked a woman to marry me. 

Sir Charles. Well, don't make such a fuss about it. 
t happens every day. 

Hemmings. But you don't know all! 

Sir Charles. Well, who does? 

Hemmings. She is a thief! 

Sir Charles. What? (Endeavoring to keep seri- 
)us.) Another one? 

Hemmings. No ! The same thief. You remember 
he burglar that broke into Mrs. Witherspoon's house ? 

Sir Charles. Distinctly. 

Hemmings. Well, I found her. She's the girl I've 
isked to marry me. 

Sir Charles. Good ! I'm delighted. I don't see why 
^ou shouldn't get along very well together. She'll know 
ill the tricks of the fraternity. You ought to be immune 
'rom burglars at least. 

Hemmings. I am doing it as a solemn duty. 

Sir Charles. I can see that. 

Hemmings. Before we marry we may have to go to 
)rison together. 

Sir Charles. Really? As an experiment? 

Hemmings. No. To save her I confessed to a crime 
;'d never committed. So I'll have to go to prison. 

Sir Charles. And when you come out together, 
^ou're going to marry her? 

Hemmings. If she'll have me, yes. 

Sir Charles (hand on back of chair). And, George, 
)efore you go to prison will you allow me to introduce 
^ou to a very charming young lady? 

Hemmings. No. 

Sir Charles. As a favor? 

Hemmings. No. 

Sir Charles. Just to oblige me? 

Hemmings. It won't do a bit of good. / love her. 



no THE GIRL IN WAITING 

Sir Charles. Please. Just for a minute. 
Hem MINGS. Oh, all right. 
Sir Charles. Thank you. 

{Goes to door l. and opens it. Crosses hack to c. 
Beckons in Lillian.) 

Hemmings {undertone) . It won't do a bit of good. 
I love her. 

{The moment Lillian sees Hemmings she hurries 
down c. Sir Charles stops her. ) 

Sir Charles. George, I want to introduce you to an 
old friend of mine. (Hemmings rises and stands with his 
hack toward her.) This is my nephew, Mr. George 
Hemmings — George, this is Miss Turner. 

Hemmings {hows without turning. Undertone), It 
won't do a bit of good. 

(Sir Charles crosses to l. of tahle, leans on a chair 
smiling. Lillian points to door l. Sir Charles 
chuckles — pantomime — Lillian to speak to Hem- 
mings and goes off to door, pauses off l., laughing 
silently.) 

Lillian. Ha ! 

Hemmings {turns scowlingly around — their eyes 
meet — situation in open astonishment) . You ! (Lillian 
nods smilingly.) He said — Miss Turner. (Lillian 
nods.) Then you're not ? 

Lillian. Brown? Alas no! {Hemmings passes his 
hand in dazed wonder across forehead.) Don't try to 
think it out. You wouldn't guess it in a thousand years. 

Hemmings. Why, you're not even — a — a ? 

Lillian {intoning as though it were a Psalm). 
Burglar? No, I'm not even that. I have no distinction 
whatever. Just plain Lillian Turner who lives a very mo- 
notonous existence and to vary it occasionally I go to 
dances and returning from one with my father early one 
morning was left out in the rain through a missing latch- 
key and while an active servant ran for the key I was 
accosted by a young, energetic and imprudent young man 



THE GIRL IN WAITINQ III 

who, after many rebuffs, forced an entry into the house of 
the lady next door to us, and thus endeth the first lesson. 

Hemmings (pause). Oh! How you must have 
laughed at me ! 

Lillian. Ha, ha ! I did laugh at you. 

Hemmings (remembering). But the stolen tiara? 

(Warn Curtain.) 

Lillian (intoning again). Was borrowed from his 
mother, much to the satisfaction of his mother, by young 
Mr. Witherspoon and sold at a handsome profit, and 
here endeth the second lesson. 

Hemmings. What must you think of me? 

Lillian. Very kind, very impulsive, very quixotic 
and occasionally very silly. 

Hemmings. It seems as if the real things of life had 
slipped away from me. (Sits in chair l. of sofa.) 

Lillian. Because you've found the truth ? 

Hemmings. You don't seem like the same woman 
now. 

Lillian. You'd have preferred me to be the " bur- 
glar," eh? 

Hemmings. I thought — I hoped — that — oh, what a 
fool. 

(Sits down, his hands clenched, the picture of misery 
and disappointment.) 

Lillian (goes to him, almost touches him on shoul- 
der — refrains, then very gently). Mr. Hemmings, if I 
hadn't made a promise to your mother, Fd ask you to 
redeem one you made to me. 

Hemmings (looks up). What is that? 

Lillian. I can't ask you because I promised your 
mother just now I wouldn't marry you under any cir- 
cumstances. 

Hemmings. Oh, please, oh, please. Miss 

(Looks up, then away.) 

Lillian. Turner. When you thought I was (Hand 
on back of chair. ) in serious trouble you offered to take 



112 THE GIRL IN WAITING 

it all on your own shoulders. To give me the shelter of 
your name — that was when you thought I was a crim- 
inal. You are in trouble now. You built a castle of 
unrealities, it has fallen down — ^but the woman remains 
standing. (She rises after a laugh and leans on para- 
sol.) I too have built my Httle (Hemmings rises.) cas- 
tles of air. For years I've waited. When I was a girl- 
in-waiting circumstances began to weave the mesh of 
contact around us. You were generous to me then. In 
my turn allow me to feel the same sentiment toward you 
now. Ask me anything {Hand on chair.) while I'm in 
the mood — and I'll grant it. 

Hemmings. Anything? 

Lillian. Anything ! 

Hemmings {white and agitated) . Be my wife? 

Lillian. I can't do that. 

Hemmings. Be my wife. 

Lillian. I must have your mother's permission. 

Hemmings. Be my wife. 

Lillian {faintly). All right. 

{As he goes to embrace her Sir Charles Greville 
comes out through one door, Mrs. Hemmings 
through another.) 

Mrs. Hemmings. George! {U.^iAMmGS draws hack.) 
Lillian {commandingly) . Stay where you are. {To 
the others.) He loves me! 



CURTAIN 



